Pointless Walks......

I keep failing at Sudoku. It looks like I have finished but there is always a number out of place. I thought of a good way to describe being at work. It’s like going to a party that someone has HAD to invite you to but never expects you to actually turn up. That’s how it is. You are just standing in the corner drinking through a straw and watching everyone else have fun. They kind of know you are there and make a token effort to come over and have a chat but they eventually give up and don’t notice when you have leave. That’s how it is.  The music is terrible. It’s the very worst music from the 60’s,70’s,80’s and 90’s punctuated by afverts for things that you don’t want. I am not the demographic for this.  Oh, the electronic scheduling system has mailed me. That will be the best interaction I have all day. I have had a headache for 3 days now. It’s the kind of headache you get when you have not drunk enough water. I have drunk enough water. I have drunk all the ...

So I am in the corner. All alone. That’s not really a bad thing as I don’t , as a rule, like people. I have to find things to do. So I write and I write and someone will eventually ask me what I am doing. I am just passing the time but I don’t need them to know that. It’s just something to make the day pass. In isolation.  The weather has been too hot but now it’s raining. I have been camping in my back garden because this is the kind of adventure I can go on. A really small adventure. It’ was ok. Something a bit different. I bet the neighbours thought we were very weird. We are not weird, we are just disorganised and poor. I look out the window and watch everything collapse. The roofs look very neat and tidy. Slates in little neat lines. There is a 20 minute conversation about crisps. This is par for the course. This is just another day. New blood has not brought new conversations.  There was a penis on my desk when I arrived today. Surely this is sexual harassment...

Sometimes I wish I had an eating disorder. I am surrounded by people with issues. Someone who never eats and someone who never stops eating. I am just greedy with no will power. I say this munching on a cheese twist. It’s very nice by the way.  I am surrounded by food and traces of food. Menus litter the next desk. It is always someones birthday (not mine) every day is a cake day.  No-one is ever hungry. It’s just something to do. It is comfort food. It’s what makes us happy and then makes us sad. It’s super easy to kick alcohol. It’s super not to kick food. I admire the mental illness that is bulimia, anorexia and body dysmorphia. I am aware this is a terrible terrible thing to say. This is my truth. Today I will mostly be eating Texas BBQ sauce Pringles. Once you pop you can’t stop. There is also a tube of the Sour Cream and Onion ones. You can keep them.  Going through a spending thing again. Looking for something that will make me happy. One by one and ont...

What the fuck? I mean really. What have you done? Sleater-Kinney were incredible. All their albums have been on the right side of amazing. No Cities To Love was great and had no right to be as good as it was all those years later. This? It sounds like poundshop Grimes. Hurry on Home is quite good but the rest of it, What have you done? Unless you are being incredibly ironic and post modern? No wonder Janet quit the band and drove into a tree or something.  GG This is a bit better. It starts off really well on side 1 (I still talk in sides due to records and proper music). It then get a bit bland and dad rock but its never boring. It's just not really what you want from Ride. I can see Ed Sheeran asking them to support him if he wanted to be a bit cool and edgy. He won't realise that he's about 30 years too late. I think it's better than Weather Diaries though. Ride were a bit overrated anyhow so this kind of fits in. The cover is a bit shit though innit...

Why am I there and not here? I am trying to write a book. It won't be very much of a book but it will be something. No-one will ever read it but it's better than spunking all over here. Life is pretty horrible at the moment. Work is horrible (the people save it always the people, don't tell them though I have an image to uphold) home is horrible. There is no love for me from anywhere. I don't deserve it. Poor me. I thought I had a friend but they vanished and they can't be found. They are hiding somewhere. It is in my best interests not to go looking for them. I do miss them though. Other people are happy (or are they?) and I like to think some of that is my fault. They wouldn't be where they are now if it wasn't for me. They can pretend that they would but they wouldn't. They are exactly where I told them they would be right about now. I am glad. I hope they are happy. Really happy and not pretend happy like last time. I don't think I know w...