Skip to main content

August 13th

Why am I there and not here?

I am trying to write a book. It won't be very much of a book but it will be something. No-one will ever read it but it's better than spunking all over here.

Life is pretty horrible at the moment. Work is horrible (the people save it always the people, don't tell them though I have an image to uphold) home is horrible. There is no love for me from anywhere. I don't deserve it. Poor me.

I thought I had a friend but they vanished and they can't be found. They are hiding somewhere. It is in my best interests not to go looking for them. I do miss them though.

Other people are happy (or are they?) and I like to think some of that is my fault. They wouldn't be where they are now if it wasn't for me. They can pretend that they would but they wouldn't. They are exactly where I told them they would be right about now. I am glad. I hope they are happy. Really happy and not pretend happy like last time. I don't think I know what I am saying. I do.

Have read a lot of books and spent money on a lot of things in the hope that they would make me happier. They have not made me happier. They have made me sadder.

So yes. Life is terrible. It could be worse.

Doom is around the corner. I am quite looking forward to that.

So yeah. Haven't been saying everything because there is nothing to be said. I will just keep on working on my book and try and make it a bit longer than five pages which is where I usually get to.

There has been some good telly on, but you know that. You have the same access to media as me.

See you in a bit.

Thanks for popping in.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Penultimate

This is not a suicide note.  I am not allowed to do that. That would make me the bad guy. If things were a bit different though I would deffo be eating toast in the bath. I hope I get ill again. That would be perfect. The only problem with getting ill last time was that I got better. I was ready. I was ‘at peace’. Then, as now, I have had enough. I am always tired, I always hurt. I am never shown any love and I don’t really do anything I enjoy. All the things I am supposed to enjoy either I don’t or I get stopped from doing by other people who are supposed to care about me. I am now old enough to know I will never get what I want in my life. This is it, my best days are behind me and I wasted them on making do. The sun comes out and I get sunburn in the hope that it will fix my skin. In the hope it will make me better. It just makes my skin fall off in different ways and hurt from a new angle. I look for stuff to fill the box I live in. The space is getting smaller and ...

Carnivorous Rainbows

 The fact that I now take prescription pain killers for non-prescription reasons is giving me a permanent hangover. It’s like the sun is shining in my eyes all the time. Luckily, I have sunglasses. It’s like when you are driving down a beautiful road with the desert on both sides and some plants you can’t identify walking past slowly like they are going somewhere fast. Then suddenly your body remembers all that you drank last night. ALL OF IT. All at once. It’s like hearing the voice of your ex saying things she would never have said to you. Things she would never have said before. Things she would never have said. When you have a constant headache its like you don’t have a headache at all. It is the constant. There is no other form. I have tinnitus. It’s always there. Too many sticking my head inside massive guitar amplifier for no apparent reason. Point is, I don’t notice it unless I remember to. A constant high frequency whine. I keep thinking about not taking them. Ther...