Life in the corner

So I am in the corner. All alone.

That’s not really a bad thing as I don’t , as a rule, like people. I have to find things to do. So I write and I write and someone will eventually ask me what I am doing. I am just passing the time but I don’t need them to know that. It’s just something to make the day pass. In isolation. 

The weather has been too hot but now it’s raining. I have been camping in my back garden because this is the kind of adventure I can go on. A really small adventure. It’ was ok. Something a bit different. I bet the neighbours thought we were very weird. We are not weird, we are just disorganised and poor.

I look out the window and watch everything collapse. The roofs look very neat and tidy. Slates in little neat lines.

There is a 20 minute conversation about crisps. This is par for the course. This is just another day. New blood has not brought new conversations. 

There was a penis on my desk when I arrived today. Surely this is sexual harassment? It’s made out of sweets and they want to watch me eat it. No fear. It’s going straight in the bin. I don’t like things like that. They remind me how ugly these things are. 

Spent £20 on these quinoa and bean things from Iceland. Emptied the whole fridge. Spent the morning eating chocolate Brazil nuts. That is me. Good intentions and poor execution. 

Still looking for things to cure my disease. Have cut everything out and no results. I am going to try to cut pop out. I drink so much pop. Since I stopped drinking even more. I live off pop. I would love to live off just water but I know that won’t be enough. I need some form of squash to add to it. I need flavour. What’s your flavour? Tell me what’s your flavour?

Need to start doing Sudoku again. I enjoyed that for a while. Something to flex the brain. Might have a look for a book of them on my way home. 

Everyone asked me where I had been. Told them I went to Spain and made up a place there. They asked me questions. They are trying to make conversation with me even though I am isolated on another planet. I can’t spend the day talking about food and Love Island. I don’t even watch Love Island.

I might go vegetarian again. It won’t be much of an effort. Just fish. I will miss fish. I more than likely won’t and there’s stuff in the freezer that needs eating. Maybe I can spend the day talking about food. I will just keep on practising. 

It’s nearly two o’clock. There is still a long time to go. My view is not as good as it used to be. There is a nice door I can look at. 

And then there were five. Everyone is going. It’s half day closing at the fun supermarket. 

Just had a nice chat with someone I couldn’t hear or understand. That’s par for the course. You kind of fill the gaps in as you go along.

Everyone has become an avatar in my absence. I could become an avatar also but I can’t bring myself to look at what they have made for me. Too many people with too much time on their hands.

Food. Food. Food. Food.

It will be interesting what everyone talks about at the end of October when we are all feral and there is no food available anywhere and we are having to live off what we kill on the land. 

I am writing this on a Wednesday. This is not a Saturday. I know. I am blowing your mind. 

I don’t know if isolation has a sound. If it does I am pretty sure it sounds exactly like this. Possible album title. ‘The sound of isolation’. It’s sure to be a big hit. You will be able to buy it in Sainsbury’s on vinyl.

One of the fallen emails me now and again. It’s nice to hear from her. I can keep her up to date with how rubbish everything still is since she left. 

Have now been asked again if I am writing a book. Why yes I am. It’s about spacemen.

It’s not about spacemen.

The topics of conversation have been very poor today and I can’t be bothered to jump in. I still have a penis made of confectionary in my drawer so that’s all good. 

The radiation is making my head hurt. 

They more than likely think that I am being moody and sulking. I kind of am but not really. I am just trying to do things to pass the time that won’t bother other people. I do feel very segregated but they knew that would happen when they sat me here. They reap what they sow. I would imagine at some point someone will take me on one side and speak to me. They will ask me what’s wrong but they won’t really want me to tell them the answer. They already know the answer. Why ask? Is it just to justify the mistake you have made? Oh well. I know my value. I know how little I am worth to you. I know this. 

I can see I am going to have to start locking things away. I can see them investigating me. I can see myself being a murder inquiry.

I need to go to the toilet but I really can’t be bothered. I think it will fit in with their image of me just to sit here for 6 hours and not move. That is what is expected. That is what I am. 

I just want someone new to explore and find out stuff about. There are certain people I can play with and certain people I can’t. I would offend them. I would upset them. It wouldn’t be my intention but it would happen. For sure. The gravity that is me would draw them in.

Every time you make a connection they see the connection and they break it. Snap. It’s gone. Some people are allowed to stay in their little groups. Some people can be best friends for life. Not all of us though. Some of us just have to deal with it. If you can’t deal with it then you become one of the fallen. This is my way to deal with it. They won’t understand. They never do.

55.

3300.

3299.

3298.

3297……..