Pointless Walks......

IT WAS AS THE STREET LAMPS LIT. THERE WAS A KNOCK. I JUST WANTED TO BE ALONE. I JUST WANTED TO BE ON MY OWN. THEY KNOCKED AGAIN. AND AGAIN. AND AGAIN. I IGNORED IT. IT WOULDN'T GO AWAY. PERSISTENT. LIKE RAIN. VOLUME UP. VOLUME DOWN. NEITHER WOULD HELP. A KNOCKING. AGAIN. REPEATED LIKE SUNSHINE. LIKE CLOUDS. LIKE WEATHER. LIGHTS DARK. IN HIDING. PERSISENT. THE KNOCKING.

less and less and less. longer and longer and longer. It's so hard not to drink. I don't sleep. I wake up early. I go to work. I do mundane things I could do with my brain shut. I come home. I walk the dog. People are horrible to me. I watch some TV. I make some terrible food. I play games. I look at the internet. I go to bed. It's so hard not to drink. I don't sleep. I wake up early. I go to work. I do mundane things I could do with my brain shut. I come home. I walk the dog. People are horrible to me. I watch some TV. I make some terrible food. I play games. I look at the internet. I go to bed. It's so hard not to drink. I don't sleep. I wake up early. I go to work. I do mundane things I could do with my brain shut. I come home. I walk the dog. People are horrible to me. I watch some TV. I make some terrible food. I play games. I look at the internet. I go to bed. It's so...

Look how many times can I tell you. I don't do anything. I just sit around all day doing nothing of any worth. Played a few games, walked the dog watched two films. Thats me. 'Fighting with my Family' was great. A bit saggy in the middle but still good. I am target audience though so its probs rubbish. 'Green Book' is apparently the best film of all time. It's not. It's still perfectly enjoyable though. It's still like living in a windy rain tunnel. Or a rainy wind tunnel. Whatever. The Division 2 is vexing me because it's FAR TOO FUCKING HARD and also FAR TOO FUCKING HARD TO SEE ANYTHING ON THE SCREEN. Devil May Cry 5 is, erm, ok I guess (still needs Bayonetta in it). Lost 8000000 souls in Dark Souls to one of those ganky skeletons with a lance in the Undead Burg. Schoolboy. Nearly snapped my switch. Watched a bit of Adult Non Violent Entertainment. Had an argument about a Christmas tree (in March). Ate a sausage bagel, a cheese to...

What do I say when I don't have anything to say. I guess I say this. Nothing is happening. I have been on late shifts at work so just come home and do stupid things. Games update - The Division 2 give me eyestrain and is far too hard for what it is. Vexing. Devil May Cry 5 is like Bayonetta but without Bayonetta in it. As the best thing about Bayonetta is Bayonetta it makes it like a poor mans Bayonetta. Work update - much ado about nothing. They are all going to Alton Towers and having a party there but have gone through the diaries and picked the week I am on holiday (or more t the point sitting at home being miserable with nothing to do) so I can't go. They NEVER do cool stuff at work. This is like the first time ever. Can't go. Fuck my life. My brain is still craving easy things so instead of not reading Sylvia Plath I am now not reading Stephen King. It's weird they review records on the internet and can't play the music on it. It's a bit point...

So much noise. Always something going around in my head. Usually nonsense. It keeps me awake. Got up at 2am this morning because I had a landslide of nothing in there sliding around, The Divison 2 had unlicked to flopped around on that for a bit. It's a squint fest at the moment. Cannot see what's happening half the time. I need to spend at least 94 hours with this game. I hope I can adapt. Went to see Captain Marvel. It's half good and half rubbish. Far too space alieny for me but she is fantastic. 3 G's. Also bought 2 records one of which I like and once of which is rubbish and I shouldn't have bought in the first place. The guy that I used to work with there is STILL there and he is always really pleased to see me as we got on so well back then. That job would have been an amazing part time job. Full time it sucked ass though. The only thing that made it tolerable was theft, drugs and getting pissed. One of which I got sacked for which led to the end of days....

Woke up to the most pathetic snow in the world which had been rained away 30 mins later. The weather is grim. It's windy and cold and hailing/raining. Apart from a brief walk to the cow park hid inside all day. There are 79 Mr Men books (so far) and none of them are the same (so I am told). UPDATE ACTUALLY 80. Battery on car dead. Charged. Battery on charger dead won't charge. I drive about once every hundred weeks so thats not surprising but still a pain in the arse Other than that. Bit of Dark Souls bit of Assasins Creed Odesyee (which from now on is ACO due to being impossible to spell for a bear with little brain). Watching the literal clock tick down for The Division 2 to unlock. Then I can have friends (please). Watched half of BlaKKKKKKKKKKKlansman last night but too tired to stick with it so turned it off half way through. Might watch the end tonight. Might not. So a perfectly average boring Sunday. I was going to say what food I ate but I am not that boring...

Another day (well 5 ½ hours) in the fast paced world of IT support. It’s raining. There was a man who wouldn’t get out of my way on the pavement this morning. He had his headphones on and looked like he was listening to angry music that made him feel empowered. I just smiled and moved out the way. Walked past Mandy who was walking really slowly. Didn’t want to get locked in and have to make polite conversation for 10 minutes while I walked into work. Wanted to carry on listening to Run the Jewels (1). Shouted across the road and picked up speed. Job done.  This kind of thing happens every now and again. It’s terrible. If wad a better person I would match her speed and have a nice chat. What about though? What would I chat to her about? I would imagine she is as relieved as me. Probs more so. Hearing about disasters in the lives of other people. Good to know it’s not just me.  Marvel and Game of Thrones chat. Thrilling.  First person calling in. Didn’t ...

How are you? Slightly above average. Thanks for asking. Watched any good films today? Aquaman was ok. Bonkers but ok. Went from being great to being rubbish sometimes in the same scene. What about TV? Why yes. Watched all of the new Ricky Gervais thing 'After Life'. It was pretty good. Sounds like you wasted the whole fucking day watching telly. Is that a question or a statement? Well did you do anything worthwhile? Went for a few walks. Tidied up a bit. Got my exercise bike out. Wasteman.

Watched "The Hate U Give' almost by accident which is a happy accident as it's excellent and much better than all those other films like it that won awards (I had to turn off 'If Beale Street Could talk' as it was, for want of a better word, dreary). Well done. I like being surprised by films being good and not universally underwhelming. Captain Marvel is out next week. I am strangely unbothered. In other news progressed in Dark Souls and can now jazz around the rest of the game. Still liking Assassins Creed a lot and finished series 2 of Heroes (better than remembered). It is cold (again). And raining (again). And the cake shops are stocking up on ingredients for when we leave Europe. I might go searching to see if there is going to be any one way anyone is better off. Apart from that failed to play my guitar again and failed to do anything constructive at all. Did my washing though (which I always do on a Thursday). Felt ill at work, but couldn't ...

I hate going into work at this time. Get locked in with the kids going to school and you have to be careful at what speed you walk otherwise you end up in a gang with them and having to go and drink Hooch in the shelter on the cricket pitch. I like to do that on my own thank you very much and I don't want to get in some West Side Story ting. Either that or they run me over on their bikes going the wrong way on a one way street doing wheelies. I laugh as they smash into the dustbin lorries and fly into the compactor at the back. Or I have to walk past them in the middle of the road and hope not to get smooshed by the dustbin lorry. My arms are very scratchy again. They have been ok for a bit but my skin is all coming off again. Not so good. Had a bread based tea which tends to always happen when I don't make it. Bread destroys my stomach but I am still fed it anyhow. I am being murdered slowly. Murdered slowly by bread. It's not even nice bread. You Tube is all b...

My dad is 79. He is the greatest man that ever lived. He is everything I wish I could be. Autocorrect on my phone told him I had got sacked (I haven't) and this was my gift to him this morning. Which he had for about 8 hours before I actually spoke to him (due to ironically being at work) and told him to stop worrying. I am pretty sure he will have to worry soon. Not today. I am such a dick. Speaking of dicks it turns out dancing girl is awful in real life so not watching her anymore. Will watch someone playing Dark Souls instead. Speaking of watching things I never wanted series 2 of Fleabag. The first series was just so perfect and complete they can only fuck series 2 up. That being said it was astounding. Now I really want a series 3 of Fleabag thank you very much. Speaking of series 2's. Derry Girls stars in 6 minutes. Hope thats good. Speaking of good Celebs go dating is on. This is not good. Not good at all. Speaking of not good at all. I am getting rid of Insta...

Richard was on his own. At first he embraced it. he could eat what he wanted and do what he wanted. he could stay up as late as he wanted and go to sleep as early as he wanted. He walked the dog in the rain. He had it all planned out. The films he would watch. The games he would play. The TV series he could binge on. Quiet time. Richard was on his own. He started to drink. It wasn't enough. He was afraid he would not get drunk enough. He added alcohol to other alcohol. He drank it as fast as he could because it didn't taste very nice. He played his game as long as he could but he kept falling to his death. He kept going where there was nowhere else to go. He smoked for the sake of smoking and ate for the sake of eating. Richard was on his own. He told himself not to go on the internet. No good could come of that. He wanted to connect.  He didn't want to feel so lonely so he picked his computer up. Seeing a prostitute seemed to be a good idea. He longed...

Paula was not ugly.  She was not going to be on the cover of Prima magazine or anything but she was definitely not ugly. She had beautiful auburn hair that she tied back severely (which didn’t help) but there was a pretty girl in there somewhere. If anyone took the time to look at her eyes they would see how beautiful they were.  It didn’t help that during her entire school life people had told her how ugly she was. It wasn’t certain what she was called out for more. Being ugly or smelling. She wasn’t sure why people had taken to her in such a way. She didn’t smell either. She came from one of the nicer houses in the middle of a horrible estate. She had to keep her head down on her way to school and she kept it there for most of the day. Mostly people left her alone to the extent that when she made an effort they ignored her. She cried a little bit about that for a while. (It makes me cry now Paula. I still remember 30 years later and I am so very sorry)  Whe...

Look I don't know what to tell you. Nothing is happening. I watched a film with that girl from Game of Thrones and that other girl from the rapey Robin Thicke video in it where the girl from Game of Thrones was blind and it was a bit good at the beginning and then I lost interest. I played some Assassaasssasssssasssinsssss Creed which is pretty good. Me girl from Twitch is on twitch (as she seems to be all the time) doing her dance thing and keeping me company only she has put glasses on and has pigtails so she IS my type a bit today. She still wear stupid clothes and I am not sure how Twitch works. She's howling now. Why would she do that? Tomorrow will be the start of a lost weekend so I am staying away from all computers for about 48 hours (please let me stay away from computers for about 48 hours). I will be in work tomorrow though so you can have the play by play on 5 hours of that. Still not reading. Need to read. What is love? Baby don't hurt me no more...