Pointless Walks......

It starts with an altercation at superdrug where a pretty girl in too much makeup     wont believe I have a loyalty card and ‘there’s nothing under your name’ Loyalty card? I have a loyalty card. I only wanted some overpriced hayfever tablets.  No I don’t want another one. I haven’t lost it. Just don’t have it with me, I cant carry them all. I would need a massive lorry. I escape and cross the road to poundland but I am mugged by a 12 year old asking me if I want to change my energy supplier.  It will only take a minute. I do have a minute but you’re not having it. You’re not having it. I do want to change my energy supplier actually because they are shit.  But I don’t want to do it with you. I will do it with them meercat things and get to go to the pictures free and spend a fortune on overpriced popcorn that tastes like me pants. Simples. The big issue women is always there after she got moved on from co-op.  She sees me and knows...

Drip drip drip. It's cold. I don't want to get up. I have to get up. When will the darkness end. Drip drip drip. Sabrina. I am not really enjoying this. Let's get it done. Drip drip drip. Where are my headphones? Let's use the rubbish ones that make me look like a cyberman. Drip. I want you to do something but I don't have the information you need. This is your fault. Drip. Why is everyone wandering around? Why isn't anyone saying anything? Drip. I know it's cold. I live in the world. Drip drip drip. Walking animals through the mud. This is my job. I am the only one who can do it. Drip. Grilled cheese sandwiches. Glued to an iPad. Glued to a phone. No interaction. Glued to the internet writing some shit that no-one will ever read. Why am I here? Drip. Drip. Find a space to play a game I don't like any more. I can hear you breathing. Drip. When is the soonest I can go to bed without an argument? Drip. When will yo...

Again 'It's definitely going to snow'. Again it's not snowing. Another nothing day full of existing. Looking for a roofer has led to me foolishly using Mybuilder.com which now means I get hundreds of emails, seemingly from criminals, who want to come round my house. The one person on there I asked for has promised (honest) to phone me. They haven't phoned me. I would be much happier renting a house. It's so much less hassle than paying for your own shithole and waiting for it to collapse. If the kitchen blows up I can just tell my landlord. He (or she) can then worry about unblowing it and paying someone to get that sorted. Listening to the (new) Suspiria soundtrack by yr man from Radiohead. It's good. A bit spooky as it should be. Played quite a bit of Kingdom Hearts which is very much OK. Nothing more. Small children like it so thats all that matters. Good job I watched Hercules though or would be very confused. Cant be bothered to watch anythin...

Ok I'm going to talk about wrestling. You can fuck off now if you like. I have been watching wrestling for 30 years. Mainly WWE but a bit of everything. I used to watch wrestling and eat crisps rather than go to college. This is why I am a failure today. Today I watched wrestling and ate crisps. 30 years later. It was the annual Royal Rumble party. The one only I go to. Usually drinking fizzy wine and eating Doritos . I have no money so eating crisps and drinking whatever was in the fridge. It was very long. The total show was 7 hours which is ridiculous. I sat through 5 hours of it. When it was great it made me cry and remember why the fuck I was there. When it was boring it was just boring and not for me. I couldn't do anything else because I didn't want to go on the internet and spoil surprises. There were no surprises. I don't know why I like wrestling. I just do. A lot of the time when I am watching it I wonder why I am watching it. I listen to a lot of w...

Watching NXT Takeover. Whilst good, it's the worst one I have seen. Other things I have watched. The Girl in the Spiders Web. Ok. Picked up. A bit bland. She is a rubbish Lisbeth. Not her fault. Poor casting. She was good in Unsane. If that was her. Haven't watched The Crown because it looks shit. One Cut of the Dead. Entertaining. It's like a film followed by the making of the film but all staged. Different. Points for that. That documentary about the Fyre Festival. Such a shame to see rich entitled people being taken for a ride by other rich entitled people. My heart bled for them. Truly. Going to try and watch Hercules later to prep for Kingdom Hearts. I imagine it will be just another Sunday. Dog walking. Bath. Time wasting. There is nothing more to be done on a Sunday. I only have a finite number of Sundays left so it's a shame about that really. I imagine there is someone out there having a nice time today. Good for them. Maybe they are at the Fyre F...

Left alone. Left alone again. Left alone with my invisible friends. Come Dine with me is on. That is my comfort food and I haven't seen this one. I could do Come Dine with me. Crisp sandwiches and fish fingers. I am aware my use of capital letters is not consistent. Played Resi 2 for a bit but there is a big man that chases you round which has spoiled it a bit for me as it's now become a stress simulator. I don't remember this mans from when I first played it 21 years ago. It will be ok in micro chunks. Cant decide if my IVP is busted. It's so weird its hard to tell. I feel I am going to have to send it back. More stress. I might watch Shipwrecked which looks like a shit Survivor and is full of children. I am drowning under a sea of hastily drawn pictures. I won't be allowed to throw them away. Ever. What are you looking at out the window? I don't know any of these people even though they live near me. Need to insure my car that I drive once a mon...

Went to the dentist today. Hey how exciting is that? They charged me £26 to have a nice lady look in my mouth. Great. I have to travel 10 miles to get there because that's the only place I could get in on the NHS. They are forever cancelling appointments so I was lucky that this one actually managed to go ahead. If you don't turn up they kick you off their books. If they cancel they constantly hassle you to rebook and then cancel again. I have to keep going because my bridge might break and that will be a bad day in my life anyhow. It will be even worse with no dentist. Then went to see the parents. Went for a drive and did a bit of drone flying with my dad. Sacred a women and her dog half to death when it inevitably got out of control. It's so hard to see where its going. It is always a bit of fun though for the 10 minutes the battery lasts. Went to the big round pub for dinner. I had coke and no-one said anything. Had a MASSIVE mixed grill which I am still full on 9 h...

I need somewhere to store these and I can't be bothered to write them down. I need them soon for reasons.... I can’t help you. You don’t want to be helped. You wont help yourself. I can’t fix you. You are not broken. There is nothing wrong here. I can’t argue with you. You are always in the right. I am nothing. I can’t understand you. You speak quietly in other languages. I can’t care for you. You have other people to do that. I can’t tell you. You wont be told. There is nothing to hear. I can’t wake you. You need to rest. You need the night. I can’t reason with you. There is no reason here. I can’t catch you. You wont take my hand. You want to fall. All I can do is love you as best I can and wait for the end. Then I will love you more. ****************************** das ist gut das ist Teekanne Mickey Mouse das ist gut das ist perfekt Mickey Mouse das ist gut das ist blau Haar Mickey Mouse das ist gut das ist gut Mickey Mouse ...

It's cold and it's going to get colder. I am told it's cold constantly. I am alive. I know it's cold. It's my field. You shouldn't be in it. You more than likely don't live anywhere near here so go away. Usually the cows are in it at this time of year scaring you away. Where are they? Why won't you put your fucking dog on a lead? Why do I have to put my dog on a lead. Just leave me alone. Rewatched Candyman for the first time in years. It's really good. I forgot how good it was. It's not just a good horror film it's a good film. It looks really old though. I suppose it is really old. I don't think of the 90's as being that long ago but it was. It was a fucking long time ago. 1990 was 29 years ago now. 29 years before 1990 was 1961. That is the difference. This will happen to you one day. Played a bit more Onrush and Resident Evil 0. I have told myself I won't buy the Resident Evil 2 remake until I have finished 0 and 1. I...

There is a creaky floorboard that is new. I might fall though the floor on one of my night time half awake piss walks. I might tumble down and down and awake in a new better place where I have amazing adventures. I might. I am listening to John Coltrane. It's ok. It would be super annoying if you were in the wrong mood. It kind of sounds how my head is. ThescalesareshittheydontweighrightThescalesareshittheydontweighrightThescalesareshittheydontweighrightThescalesareshittheydontweighrightThescalesareshittheydontweighrightThescalesareshittheydontweighrightThescalesareshittheydontweighrightThescalesareshittheydontweighrightThescalesareshittheydontweighrightThescalesareshittheydontweighrightThescalesareshittheydontweighrightThescalesareshittheydontweighrightThescalesareshittheydontweighrightThescalesareshittheydontweighrightThescalesareshittheydontweighrightThescalesareshittheydontweighrightThescalesareshittheydontweighrightThescalesareshittheydontweighrightThescalesareshittheydont...

Packages. Yeah. Only one more to come and that should fit through the letterbox. Knowing my postman he will want to knock as he always does for 'reasons'. Watching a bullshit video about the Dark Web. Some Canadian unboxing something. This is such a crock of shit. It has been watched 2439784 times. This is a real figure. Work was ok. Spoke too much. I was all hyper and shit. I hate being that side of myself. Need to go to the 11 O'clock place. It's still cold and it has snowed somewhere. We are not yet at the week where everything grinds to a holt but we are not far away. Can't get into anything at the moment. Just watching bad TV and passing the time. Nothing seems to matter. The benefits of mental illness. Had a two song disco and made my guitar make a good noise. I need to figure things out but I really like the preamp. It might be all I ever need. They are not chips. They are crisps. As you can tell. Nothing happened again and I can't think of ...

Nothing has happened today. Go away. There is no point in you being here. Yes you. I am talking to you. Watched Bumblebee last night. It was alright. Watched a bit of Sabrina this morning which is poundland Buffy. I need to watch Buffy again. When you get past the first series it's pretty flawless. I even love the series with evil Willow that everyone else hates. It's got evil Willow in it. Watched Come Dine with Me for two and half hours while watching people get run over on the internet. Oh I went to work. That happened. It was a bit cold. Everyone panicked. My arms are killing me again. Who keeps turning the heating on? Watching Pointless now. This is my life. Told you nothing happened today.

From IMDB 1977 -  An American newcomer to a prestigious German ballet academy comes to realize that the school is a front for something sinister amid a series of grisly murders. 2018 -  A darkness swirls at the center of a world-renowned dance company, one that will engulf the artistic director, an ambitious young dancer, and a grieving psychotherapist. Some will succumb to the nightmare. Others will finally wake up. I need to say I have seen the original Suspiria about a dozen or so times. I have seen the remake twice. I have however seen the remake at a cinema which I can't say of the original. What is wrong? 1977 - It's very front loaded. The entire film is great but the opening is untouchable. The effects are variable. The acting is a bit wonky which is mostly down to the dubbing. 2018 - It's far too long. The ending (not the epilogue) sucks balls.  The story. Basically the same. The remake takes an hour longer to get t...

And the third circle of hell is children birthday parties. I'm so tired if I had ever run a 10k marathon I feel it would be like this. I would find somewhere to relax but the building is covered in packaging and wrapping paper. We can't move for junk and presents. So many presents and yet we can't afford to pay the bills or get the leaky rook fixed. The box that all the stuff is in is collapsing, but hey we'll still have the stuff. Happy days. 'Would you like a hot chocolate?' 'Do you have any coffee?' 'er no' We have a mountain of jam sandwiches as the choices there were very minimal but cheese was very popular. Can you freeze jam sandwiches? I imagine you can. I hope you can. Otherwise we are having that for tea forever. Olives are not popular. Neither are the rotting apples. Maybe I can make apple juice? I will try. Its better than chucking it all out surely. When you are given 100 things you appreciate none of them. Trust me o...

There is nothing to fill the gaps in today. Went to school. Watched the end of Sex Education which was great. Played Resident Evil 0 and Tetris. Went to work and everyone was panicking (weird way to spell it) because the systems were broken and I wasn't sure why. What was everyone worrying about? I don't understand. People who usually just moan and don't give a fuck all of a sudden cared because the systems weren't working. What difference does it make? No-one could really explain and I didn't care enough to pursue it. The world didn't explode so I came home and ate too many tuna sandwiches. Played a bit more Resident Evil 0 and Tetris (and a bit of Onrush). Listened to podcasts. Tried to watch some live streaming but it had finished. Watched some YouTube videos and wrote this. Going to read my book now. Sorry this is boring but the only thing I am doing is waiting for packages. It might be snowing. I bet thats when they send them. When they can't be del...

Watching Sex Education which is about 10 times better than it really needs to be. Like it. Didn't think I would. There is a girl in it who looks like Poundland Jessica Alba but a bit wonky. I like her. I like a bit wonky. There is nothing else to report. Everything is plodding on and I had forgotten how annoying it is waiting for parcels. I am not going to wait for parcels any more. I have stopped drinking pop so my mouth tastes like a public toilet. If I keep it as a special treat it will make not drinking alcohol easier. Birthday went on forever and thats only part one. Part two to follow. So much stuff to the extent that none of it is worth anything. Just piles of piles. Everyone is doing the 'How I was 10 years ago' thing. I was the same. A twat. I am re-reading The Vinyl Detective books so I feel like I should listen to some jazz. I want to listen to some jazz. Lets get some jazz. Work is work and everyone has the sickness but me. I am hardly ever there so ...

Build a bear receipt breakdown : Shopkins Bear - £21.50 Red Hearts Bear - £8.00 (this is by far the better bear) Mario Costume - £14.00 Blue Silver Dress - £13.50 Light Up Wings - £8.00 Rainbow Headband - £2.00 Rainbow Shoes - £5.50 Elsa Wig - £5.50 Rainbow Skirt -£5.00 (I actually think these were roller-skates, for a bear) Grand total £84.00 I wonder if Charlie still lives in that house. It broke my heart that time she said (to paraphrase) 'I know I lisp, I am sorry if you can't understand me' Someone snapped her up. Obviously. She has (or had) two wolves.

My heart belongs to Maddie and Rebecca (and Evie is growing on me a lot). I particularly like it when Maddie does her 'rabbit nose' thing. I used to watch 'Let's Play' every day in the hope that Rebecca might be a French Maid and Sid might be a travelling salesman but no. Rebecca was always a football player with a moustache and Sid was always a golfer. There was a lot of potential there. I mean I am not expecting CBeebies to be Brazzers but come on. 'Down on the farm' was always good when I managed to catch it. Then Matthew Wright tried to make Storm a pin up model and it all fell down for me. She is far nicer (as most girls are) just in a jumper being natural then dressed as a burlesque dancer and looking uncomfortable. Nina had the pigtails going on, but she's got rid of them now. Oh and Jess on Waffle. That man must have some hidden skills as his first wife was a smokeshow as well (I have always wanted to get that in a sentence and promise ne...

Writers write. So they say.  Writers write. Every day. Write what you know. Tell your story. But I am not a writer and my story is so very dull.  So let me tell you another one. A story about some people I don’t know at all. Winter couldn’t be bothered.  It couldn’t be bothered to be a proper winter. It couldn’t find the energy to make it snow and make the landscape into a fairy tale. It couldn’t be bothered to destroy the sun properly. It just sat back and let it rain. Rain could be bothered. Rain always had the energy. Rain was eternal. They lived and loved in a house. She was always to cold and he was always too hot. This is a problem compounded by Winter and the central heating that dries us out and lets us down. He sat in a chair that wasn’t very comfortable and thought about his life. He thought about what could have happened to him but never did. He thought about the choices he had made and where they had led him. He thought that beca...

I hate wind. It's the worst weather. Worse than snow and rain and sun and fog. The worst. It causes nothing but problems. So 9am on the roof in the rain reaffixing the tarpaulin to the leaky roof. Y'know the roof that no-one will come and fix apart from the creepy man who called me poor. The creepy man will do it only he's not allowed to because he is creepy. More wind. Cleaned two weeks of your shit out of the kitchen (again) and am pretty sure a lot of it is already back. Cooked dinner which was utter shit because the microwave busted in the middle of it. The discovered you had broken the washing machine (again) because you insist of sticking those fucking paper towel things in it. Y'know the ones that break it. Walked your dog because we wouldn't want you to get dressed today would we? Came back and fixed the washing machine. Nearly drowned in the amount of water in the kitchen but cleaned most of it up and made sure your clothes were properly washed ...

This is a good place for me. I can vent here when I am drunk and not upset people like I used to. It's better than taking to Twitter, Facebook, Myspace or Friends Reunited and abusing some poor innocent person over the internet. Yep. Got drunk. It was rubbish. It's always rubbish. Based on the principle of 'I've had one drink, I might as well have all the others' I went back to drunk town. Everyone waved and said 'hello' 'we missed you' and all the other pleasantries they keep for me. I didn't like it. I would sooner have read my book. I think it's just the principle of not having that first drink or anything at all. To be fair it was all stuff other people have given me. I haven't got myself any alcohol in a while. Certainly not at the level I was 2 or so years ago when I used to go through a bottle of spirits a night. Last time I did that was on my birthday last year. I think that's the only time I did it all year...

Had Whitebait today. Wasn't sure what it was. Now i know what it is I will never have it again. Life experiences. Did a bit of drone flying today which was fun. You have to land it every time people come close just in case you chop their heads off. Oh and when people see you flying a drone they come close. It's a bit of a pickle.  Plus the battery lasts about 3 minutes and takes about 3 hours to charge. In other world breaking news I went to the shops today. Again someone bought me a pint of alcohol drink. It was ok. Am genuinely going off alcohol a little bit anyhow. Am struggling to find something I do like to drink at the moment. Checked to see how much was on one of my three credit cards. Big mistake. BIG mistake. I am in such deep shit. Look the other way. It will go away. I look forward to receiving a letter in the post at your earliest convenience. Listened to a cassette today. Had to explain what a cassette was. In the past I have also had to explain what a record i...

Normal service has resumed and for some reason I am watching Sliding Doors. Just sometimes I get random blips in my head that make me want to see or do something immediately  after having not interest in it before. Ever. This is one of those things. I can't be that bothered as I am typing this whilst watching. Better that than the hypnosis videos that I have once again become obsessed with. OOO she missed the train. But now she gone catched it. There are two Gwyneth's. I think this is before she got all annoying as well. Someone that might be Micheal Smiley has tried to steal her handbag. Nothing else has happened. Work is ok as I managed to get into the 11'Oclock headset and therefore don't let everything bother me. It won't last. It will collapse and I will want to kill everyone within a week. Mans has still not sent my package because it doesn't seem to be made, despite the fact he is still selling them with a two day turn around date. This is w...

You own the sky. You just don't know it. You are my insanity. You are my dreams.  You are the reason I can't have nice things. You are the light that breaks the dark. You are the shade protecting me. You are better than audio. Better than video. Better than the films of Lucio Fulci. To hell with that phone. You are the images you want me to see. But you are much more. So much more. I see the things you don't want to be seen. You are the imperfection. The crack in the window. You own my nights and stop me from sleeping. Your inside is beautiful. Your outside is deep. You are lost memories I can never keep. You are better than Netflix. You are better than Christmas. The ghost of New Year. You are better than all the bad music you hear. You are better than this. And here I tell you. That I can never tell you. But that doesn't mean its not true. You own the sky. For as long as the sun burns. Not long.

Nothing happens around here. There might be a new hairdressers that opens or a charity shop but that’s about it. There was the girl that jumped off the bridge last year but that was it. No-one knew why (someone knew why) but apparently she had tried it before and the only difference this time was that there was no-one there to stop her. It was very sad. I met her a few times. She seemed ok. Not the type to throw herself off a bridge but what do I know? Someone’s life has changed forever. Someone else has a hole that they can’t fill (they will fill it one day) and someone else is looking on the internet with the morbid sense of interest we all have in these things. Dominoes. There are people who are happy and people who are sad. There are people who pretend to be happy but are really sad. Are there people who pretend to be sad but are really happy? I don’t know. I suppose that there must be. There must be people out there that feel or think pretty much everything. ...

Busy Busy Busy. Did some stuff for a bit which was ok. Did some other stuff for a bit which was also ok. Did even more stuff that was not ok. What can I tell you about? Went drone flying which was fun. Didn't lose either the drone or any fingers. Was a result. Felt a bit of a dick standing in the field on my own but hey. What can you do? Played a bit of Shenmue which is terrible but terrible in a kind of amusing way. I don't think I could play it for a long time but in short bursts it's fine. Washed the bedding because it was disgusting. Because I don't know where the spare bedding is (for reasons) I had to take it off, wash it, dry it and out it back on all in the same day. I managed. I ain't new to this. Took some stuff to the charity shop and went looking for long hasp padlocks which you can't get unless they are either MASSIVE or on a combination. They are super rare. Who knew. I can get one on the internet sent from Australia but to be honest I...