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January 19th

And the third circle of hell is children birthday parties.

I'm so tired if I had ever run a 10k marathon I feel it would be like this. I would find somewhere to relax but the building is covered in packaging and wrapping paper. We can't move for junk and presents. So many presents and yet we can't afford to pay the bills or get the leaky rook fixed.

The box that all the stuff is in is collapsing, but hey we'll still have the stuff. Happy days.

'Would you like a hot chocolate?'

'Do you have any coffee?'

'er no'

We have a mountain of jam sandwiches as the choices there were very minimal but cheese was very popular. Can you freeze jam sandwiches? I imagine you can. I hope you can. Otherwise we are having that for tea forever.

Olives are not popular. Neither are the rotting apples. Maybe I can make apple juice? I will try. Its better than chucking it all out surely.

When you are given 100 things you appreciate none of them. Trust me on that one I know it to be true. It would be a lot better to have 1 thing that actually means something to you.

Weird things mean something to me a bookmark, a stone, some scissors, a bear. I have all the other junk but those are the objects that matter.

When I nearly died the other year I saw the light for a moment. I saw the crack in the clouds and what was important. I saw how things should be but then slipped back into sadness when I didn't die and started getting all the stuff again.

So I am drained now.

There is nothing left of me for today.

It would be nice just to sit and watch a good film later, but you can't see the telly for piles or rubbish.

War for territory....

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