David Essex

So it was sunny forever and then I was leaving and it rained. Then I got here and it stopped raining and it was sunny forever.

I feel like the building has been taken over by people I don’t know. I feel like a stranger here. As far as I can see I have been here the longest. Shame on me. This is not my house though. I am just in the corner of the worst room waiting for everyone to go away.

Have had a massive blip and spent all the money again. These things are chasms that I dip into every now and again. The break down. I need to carry wood so as I can make a bridge over the dips. 

More and more stuff. 

Oh someone I know. Wow. Someone I don’t want to throw out the window. Double wow. 

I have back ache. It might be chronic back ache. I don’t know what chronic back ache is. Shall we find out? It’s pain that has carried on longer than 12 weeks. Despite medication. Medically I don’t have chronic back ache then. Just chronic mental illness. Every day is a school day (apart from the seemingly thousands of holidays they get, and what’s a day? They only go in for six hours and most of that is colouring).

Had to sit around the house waiting last night for ‘reasons’. Watched both series of Fleabag again. It’s good. It has two or three incredible episodes but the rest of it is good. Not world changing. Good. I also read the play. The play is also good. There is a bit in the play where a guinea pig is abused. They thankfully left that out of the TV show.

Where am I working? Someone has just attacked a staff member and this is deemed to be amusing. There is someone else in in a onesie. Ironically the staff member that attacked someone was in fact attacked themselves the other week. Not on work premises. The person that attacked them was sacked. Unpack that. I know it’s difficult because I have written it terribly but what the…..

Just another day.

Who will watch the watchmen? Why thanks for asking. I will I guess. I need to get out of the mode where it annoys me and into the mode where I just think it’s funny. I am borderline.

Everything seems to have changed. The whole dynamic. The world has fallen and I didn’t notice. I am getting old. I am not on my game. It sounds like they have all been playing Taskmsater. I like watching Taskmaster (a lot) but I am not so sure I would like to play it. I wouldn’t be as good at it as I think I would. I would be rubbish. 

I miss you. I need someone I can relate to. This is not going to happen around here. There are a few people I ‘get’ but no-one I can relate to. I am just a thing. I am like a chair. I have less value though. 

OF COURSE THERE WAS NO SMOKING IN THE ROOM. IT IS NOT 1970. 

I have nothing to add to this. I am just here. I will be accused of being quiet in a moment. What can I say? I wasn’t there and I’m not interested. You just do you. What was I doing? Probs just sitting on my own not drinking. 

Apparently the floor is collapsing under the weight of us. Wonderful. That means that everything will get taken apart again then and maybe put back together. Can’t wait for the inevitable. I have been here nearly an hour now and have done nothing at all constructive. I could have been at home instead doing nothing constructive there. 

I’m not even properly listening to the music today. Everything is just washing over. Not in a good way. Not in a lying on the beach and having the waves cleanse you way. More in a lying in the road and having the cars drive over you way. And tractors. And steamrollers. And lions. And tigers. And bears. 

It’s the dog I feel sorry for. 

‘I’ve had the time of my life’ 

When? When did I do that? I must have had the time of my life at some point. I just don’t know it yet. Maybe this is it. Maybe this is the time of my life. Right here. Right now. Jesus. 

Don’t say anything. Don’t. He’s only poundland Louis and therefore not worth my time. Still. What a fucking dickhead. Being a dickhead he also causes other people to be dickheads by osmosis. If it all kicks of I will be the bad guy. He might only be poundland Louis but it still means he will be protected and protected and protected and protected. Until one day he isn’t and he gets sacked. Like full price Louis. 

It might be quite good to lose everything and start again. I mean everything. Nothing left. I am a bit old to do that now but it still might be fun. It would be horrible for a bit and I would hate it but after that maybe things would be ok. If not I have had enough anyhow so it’s win win really.

Oh someone else has just quit. Bit sad about this one but hey it’s a weekly / daily thing here despite the fact officially only 5 people leave a year. Yes they actually said that. With a straight face. Everyone else was pissing themselves mind.