December 15th

You won’t have heard of me. If you did the whole point of who I am and what I do is worthless. Don’t get me wrong I’m not a hitman or do anything illegal. I am just me. I am a walking advert. 

Let me explain.

My job is to go into bars, pubs etc. and just drink something and look cool. I always drink the same thing on each assignment and make sure I order it very loudly. I wear the best clothes and have the best car which I am driven home in by an unfeasibly attractive women who ‘picks me up’ every night (in all senses of the term) and works for the same company as me. 

Sometimes, depending on where we are, we mix it up and I get to take her home. It’s usually Samantha but sometimes they send in a temp. They always look like models. What a model looking women would be doing in a Weatherspoon’s in Bromford is beyond me. The kind of people they get in there don’t think about it though. They just accept it and want to be me. That’s my job. 

I have always done this in a weird way. My first job was selling cars which I was really good at, not because of any advanced sales technique but because I am really good looking but act like I don’t know it. It’s my aura people are drawn to. They want to be me. They think if they have ‘that object’ or ‘that thing’ they can. They can’t.

I was approached when selling my cars by someone even more appealing than me and asked if I fancied a career change. More money (LOTS more money) and all I had to do was go to the pub a few nights a week and just sit there. I obviously thought this was some kind of con or come on but I gave it a go. I stayed selling cars, but only for a little while. 

I know there are not many of us that do this. I don’t really meet any of the others. I only really know Samantha because we work together so well and have a certain chemistry. We can make it all look natural without making it look too familiar or sleazy. We have done it so many times it’s just like any other job. Things just click click click.

We have to move around a lot obviously so we essentially are a non-couple on holiday. Please don’t read anything into the world couple. It’s not like that. Most of the time.  

One day we are in Scotland, the next Bristol, the next Stockholm. The travelling is the worst thing. Luckily we have a driver so we can just sleep through most of it. Usually we travel separately. We don’t want to spotted too soon and we don’t ever want to be spotted together. Until after.