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21st November

Another day where I just stand there and have things thrown at me.

'This is happening and you have to deal with it'

I don't think that's fair. I like routine. I like things to be regular. It helps me not want to kill myself.

I try my best to keep things on a level and keep to a routine that will keep me sane. Why does everyone else insist on trying to derail me?

'That's just life' they say.

It doesn't have to be. Life can be a straight line with a few waves in it. There is nothing you can do about a few waves. Waves happen. You can stand on the beach and watch them.

Life doesn't have to be a Tsunami.

If you want your life to be chaos then thats fine. Have at it. Enjoy.

I don't want that. I can't cope with that.

Please someone tell me that's ok. People tell me I am wrong. I am not normal and it makes me feel sad.

I think I said I am lonely. I am lonely.

This might be why.

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