Pointless Walks......

  This is love. This is from a place of love. This is from love island. I am an internet stalker. I watch and I look. Sometimes I smile and sometimes I cry. I like to know that you are ok. Are you ok? You seem ok. You seem happy. That makes me happy. I am glad you are where you are right now. Even if it killed me to get you there. Slowly. I am transitional. I am the inbetweener. I do it all the time. I hope it works out for everyone. It never really works out for me, but I get people there. That is my X-Man power.  When I met you, you were pretending to be happy. You weren’t happy although you had the sweetest smile. It even spread to your eyes sometimes when you weren’t looking. Super cute. Supergirl.  I used to listen to you telling everyone how blissful you were. I believed you. I believed you for about a year. Then I found out that wasn’t the case. Bruises and all. And then we were happy for a bit Not for very long. Just for a bit and why? Why would you be happy with ...

Well we are there. We are at the inevitable. We have talked about it (well I have) and now we have fallen out of love (well I have). You thought you could do better. So do that. Fuck off and do better. I have realised that I can do better as well. So I can do that. Nothing is better. I would sooner have nothing than this. When there is nothing there is nothing to care for and nothing to worry about. I would like to say there is no looking out the window at 2am but there still is. There will be for a long time. There will be for a long time because all I can do is pretend and put the shields up and then when I have pretended for long enough it will all be real, and I can put you in a box and slip you under the bed. Just like I said I would.  So, the days pass and get greyer and you wonder what is wrong, but you know what’s wrong. Of course you do. We wouldn’t be us if you didn’t. But we aren’t really us anymore are we? Now that you are the cheerleader and I am still me. I feel like ...