A Heartbreak

PART 1

Well that sounds like an idea. I'm in a tricky situation because I'm never really gonna talk about her behind her back. But just give it space, be kind and don't put any stress or pressure on her.

No no of course not and I don’t expect you too

I just wanted someone to go to who I knew wouldn’t tell the world

But yeah thats the last thing I want to do to her

Also: may I ask how you acquired my number?

I won't even tell her we are talking because that would bother her. My loyalty is always gonna be to her but I like you a lot and I think you would be kind to her so...

I asked for it is how

I will delete it if it bothers you

Sorry was having my tea

Mhm i get you, I do want to be there for her I really do

No no its alright I just wondered is all haha not bothered

No worries. As I said just give her a bit of space and see what happens. If you want to chat I am always knocking about and I can keep a secret ;)

Ofc ofc

It wasn't her btw. That gave me yr number

Someone who isn't her.

C??

My parents??

Literally the only people who have my number

I just started at 1 and tried all the numbers mate

Faaaack

Bet you’ve had some really confused responses from a lot of people

Na. Everyone is in love with her and assumes I have the right number.

Dammit

And she’d prefer me over all those other people

I know right. How lucky are you?

Extremely

Extremely lucky

That took a turn

Fuck

Oh no. What now?

We were still messaging just to speak about shit and get things off our chest

And then just chatting like friends

And then she said she missed me

You know that give her space thing I said?

I know but she didn’t want silence

Well I don't know what to say.

I said to her that I’ll go silent if she wants to be alone but thats her decision

She said she never said she wanted that

I’m just gonna send you the messages

Sorry easier that way

Bear in mind that my signal is terrible so its often that i’ll respond to a message that was sent 30 seconds before

I tried explaining that I didn’t want the silence but if it was something that she needed then I would be happy to give it her

Please hold the line your call is important to us

Please don’t let her know i told you or sent you these

I won't. I have told her we have talked though

I was just trying to communicate that I didn’t want to go silent but if it was something she needed then I was happy to do that for her, but that if she needed anything in the meantime then I’m not going to ignore her

Yr gonna need to gimme a minute here

Mhm sorry

It's ok. I have a call on the other line right now.

No worries

If you two are fucking winding me up right now I won't forget

What do you mean?

I’m slow if any of this has established

Have I said everything wrong again?

She is complicated. Beautiful and interesting, but complicated

I know

I don’t mean to hurt her

Maybe I’m not right for her

Because all I do is fuck shit up

this is not helping

dont think that

Nothing helps though!

I can never say the right thin

And now I’m burdening you with it all too

I just don’t want to hurt people

not a problem mate, dont worry

I hurt people and get hurt in turn

I’m fucking torn up rn

I really don’t want to lose her

you just need to say the right thing at the right time

But i don’t know what or when that is

how much do you not want to lose her?

I’ve lost her and nothing i can do will change that

I can’t put it into words

do you love her?

I don’t know

I haven’t felt this is so long

And I’m scared about what I’m feeling

And I don’t want to be torn up again

ok, do you really want to be with her more than anything even though you'll have terrible days with her?

More than anything

I want to share everything with her

will you be nice always and listen to her? i mean properly listen?

and just accept her for who she is no matter what?

And i want her to share everything with me

Always

and will you use condoms?

Inappropriate

answer the question if you want my help

But also I’m firmly under the assumption that male contraception > female contraception

But female contraception causes all sorts of issues

well then. wish me luck

Because*

God

Good luck

so all those things I asked you about?

Yes

do them

What

that is all

just do them

I’m so confused

But how

She doesn’t want to speak

shes processing

And how do i tell her

I’ll tell her

I will

But I’ll let her message me first

I want to give her space

well possibly now might be a good time to have a chat with her

and tell her all that stuff

and not ignore her

I’m not going to message her out of the blue

She told me leave her alone

no phone her dont message her

I’m going to leave her alone

and it wont be out of the blue

I can’t do this

She doesn’t want me to

And it’ll just be worse

Because thats what happens

she wants to know that you value her

you aint doing that right now

But she wants to be alone too

But she wants to be alone

and is this approach working out for you

She has specifically asked that I leave her alone

Well speaking to her hasn’t worked

Does she want me to call her

in fact if i were you it would be a massive gesture for you to drive over and see her

she says she doesnt but she really does

She doesn’t then

if you do manage to speak to her tell her how much you want to be with her

Also I don’t know where she lives

she already knows but tell her any way

If she doesn’t want to speak to me then she doesn’t want to speak to me and i don’t want to make things worse

would you drive to see her now. is that how much you want this?

I would

If she wanted me to

ok yr on standby

Sorry?

i am working on it

Okay

still working on it

Mhm

shes not in the good place right now

And i caused that

no you didnt. its just the way she is. you didnt help sure but there will be times like this

Mhm

mhm?

Its a nervous acknowledgement

Message her immiediatly and do not ask her about colours or animal

She doesn’t want me too though!

Tyler: To*

ask her is shes ok, say you are sorry and you fucked up, and you really want to be with her, whatever it takes

and keep telling her that

over and over again

She wants to be left alone

message her now

tell her what i told you

dont be a twat

or i will give up on the pair of you

Does she want me to do that though?

message her now

Because if she doesn’t then it’ll only make things worse

i am telling you what to do to fix this, you either trust me and take a chance or I got nothing else for you

Fuck

Okay

if it goes wrong and it all gets worse I will tell her it’s my fault

That means she doesn’t want me to message her though

MAKE HER KNOW HOW MUCH YOU WANT HER DO NOT ASK HER ABOUT TRIVUAL STUFF

JUST FUCKING DO IT

i presume as she is not shouting at me in another window that this may have happened?

I’m writing now

mate you dont need to write an essay. keep it simple

i told you exactly what to say. why are you making it so hard on yourself

just copy and paste it

I don't want to leave the last message as just okay and I want the last message be something you can look at read multiple times if you need too. I'm sorry that I confused you, I truly am and I'm sorry that I'm causing you this pain, it honestly never was my intention and I feel sick at the fact that I have. You mean so much to me that words can't fully express it, you are a fucking supernova in a bleak universe and I just want you to know how much i care about you. I want more than anything to be with you, i want to share my life with you and for you to share your life with me. I want to be there at your side for the highs and the lows. I just don't want to lose you, i really really don't.

Thats what i want to put

too much info

But thats what i want to tell her Hahaha

ask her is shes ok, say you are sorry and you fucked up, and you really want to be with her, whatever it takes

and keep telling her that

over and over again

thats it

thats what you need

just that

Is it enough

I don’t want it to go wrong

look has what you have been doing worked for you?

well then

But nothing ever does

Just another one of my many failures

i cant do any more than tell you exactly what to say and exactly when to say it

if you want to fanny around for ages and miss your window then thats on you

are you okay? I’m sorry to message you and I’m sorry I confused you again. I just want to do whatever it takes to be with you

Yeah?

just add 'because I really really like you' at the end

and go

Sent

Fuck

I feel sick

moving forward

thats how you need to be.

just say how you feel

She needs to know she is valued by you as she has been treated like a pile of shit by a lot of people

I value her

Thats why i didn’t want to message her

Because she asked for me not to

i know. sometimes what she says she wants and what she actually wants are a bit different

Is she shouting at you yet?

dont expect an immediate response but you will get one when she is thinking clearly

Mhm i didn’t think i would

so leave it. DO NOT SEND HER ANOTHER MESSAGE. and wait

I’m not

and if you are super lucky its all sorted and you will be out before you know it

oh and drive more

Going to send her another message that is

Ik ik

Just shits me up

i hate driving also but shes worth it

go to her more dont expect her to always come to you

Ik ik

Thats why I always ask where she wants to go

But ik now she’d say the same place each time for me

you didnt put the really really like you thing on it

wasteman

well when she says that place say you want to go somewhere else and you will drive

I did, I put it before the want to do anything it takes to be with you

You’re right, I should

i know

if i have put all this effort in and you turn out to be a wasteman then I will not be happy

I’m not

Shit like that sickens me

you are a bit, just a different kind of wasteman

but you have potential

I’m not, just a clueless fuck

well arent we all

True true

if you want something or someone, and you want them quite a bit. always tell them mate

always

I know

I just get scared of rejection

so does everyone

Even if I know the other person likes me, I can’t help but convince myself that they still will reject me

yes. problem is if you are both doing that then its a bit of a pickle

Aye it is

let me know if she messages you then I can go to bed

She said anything to you?

if she did I wouldnt tell you :)

Ofc ofc

do you truely think you can cope with this. you need to be sure because it might not be easy

There’s no such thing as coping

there very much is

I’ve been through hell and back, I can cope

yeah two broken people are not always the best match

sometimes

not always

What I mean by ‘there’s no such thing as coping’ is that I wouldn’t be coping with anything, I’ll be there always and nothing will be too tough.I’m not broken

i get her because she is the same kind of mental as me and trust me I am a proper prick

I’ve been through hell and back, the back is the important bit

well i dont know that

Trust me

but she is treated pretty badly by a lot of people so just dont be one of them

She just texted me saying ‘the radio silence?’

oh I know

just say sorry about that. nothing more nothing less

‘I really don’t have a fucking clue what you want from me’

I want to say something along the lines of ‘just to be with you’

yep

do that

‘You wanted to not speak to me not long ago’

im not doing this. im not being involved in what is now a private thing

I know

I’m going now

just dont fuck up and tell her what you want and dont use 3000 words when 5 will do

ok mate

good luck

Thanks

if you lie to her she will know. she a clever girl

It wasn’t a lie

just be honest

but dont be a fanny

MAKE HER FEEL SPECIAL , MAKE HER FEEL VALUED AND MAKE HER FEEL LIKE YOU WANT HER. just do that. dont do anything else

and dont donkey punch her

ever

are you talking now? can i go to bed?

Ish

I’m talking to her

do not fuck it up again.

i am not helping next time

well thats me ditched for the night like a used crisp bag

fucking ingrates the pair of you

Sorry

And thank you

nah its ok

whatevs

just make her happy and im ok with it all

tell her she needs to answer my question before I go to bed

Just so you know, in 20 years time I am going to put both parts of this conversation together, print them out and make an award winning drama out of it. That is all. Have a great day :)

Oh and do not discuss her with ANYONE at work. That'll be a problem if you do.

That really is all I got right now

Good luck :)

PART 2

Erm

I dont thinl me and him are good

Erm

We havent fell out im just completey over the idea it would work

You two are not good right now but it doesn't mean you can't be later. You have just picked a different kind of wasteman this time

If you have decided that then you need to commit to it or your head will just be a different kind of fucked up

And by commit to it I don't mean jump on the first idiot you find on tinder

Wait

Let the right one in

You are so worth waiting for

That is all :)

I know this songs probs not your bag buy PLEASE listen to the words. It's what you need to know right now....

I listened to all ur reccommendee last night

They are not really recommendations. Just stuff I thought you might like

Well i didnt not like any of them so good job

I just have this 1 now to listen to

Oh dear. I'm very sorry about that. I will stop then

And you won't like this one either. I just like the words

Noooo i love ittt, vut i go thru them all at ince abd refresh the list

Are you ok?

I guess so yeah why?

No reason. Just getting the feeling you might be on the downwave a bit

I messaged him kinda saying he was being abit of a twat and its rlly all abit confusing - i text him this very stoned last night, but i agree with it all so im not saying anything else

Im kinda in a diwn wavr

I may think it ciukd be a gabby needing day fir the wave kinda thing

You need to let that go for a bit

If it's sorts itself out so be it. Either way _ you want him, you don't want him. It's not good for got brain right now

Yeah i know i am doing

Ok. Just worry about you for now. Just you. Not other people

Yeahh, about that

We will talk later

Ok. Whatever works.

Good good

Well, i was sat in the my car last night til like 1:30am

Knob

On yr own?

I was on my own til like 10:30, id previously been to the pub for a guinness before this and bumped into work ppl on my own which was awks

Anyway yes

Wait, what time u in

And from 10.30-1.30 You were with?

Not a wasteman and not the ex, idk whether to rlly confirm that bit of info, just no i wasnt alone

Ok then be THAT person

Your a THAT person!! U never tell me certain things

You never ask. I will tell you anything you want to know about anything

If you want to keep secrets that's fine. I guess now you are all popular I am not needed. That's also fine whatever makes you happy

STOP IT

Im kidding it wasnt anyone rlly significant

Yet you have made it so

Ok it was someone from work i am FRIENDS with and we just sat and chatted bc we bith have shit going on atm

Ill tell u at work

Dw i wikl

But no big deal about it plz

Why will you tell me at work

You have made it into a massive thing now

No i haven’t

Ok whatevs

Its not massive, i have other MASSIVE NEWS to tell u

Thats better than who i was sat talking to

No. Not interested in what you want to tell me. More interested in what you don't want to tell me

For which there must be an obvious reason

No obv reason but ik how u react to me meeting boys but this was a friend and friend deep chatting to feel better and smoking alot of fags

Its not interesting but if i tell u at work u can ask me about it i guess

But don't worry. Someone else will tell me probs and then I will feel like dogshit because you didn’t

No they won't dw

Again you have made it a thing

Stop it okay im sorry

U said was i alone so i answered ur q

They will they always do

People tell me EVERYTHING I don't want them to but they do

Why? Fuck know

U asked me if i was alone but ok no more sharing

You haven't shared. You have just made it a thing

No i havent whats 30 mins wait? When do u getnto work

You don't understand. I will now have to sort my brain out before I get in just so I can function

Oh well. Here it comes. The inevitable

I am also a mess rn

I just received a text

So yeah im struggling too rn bc my heads been TRULY fucked over

So you will share that but not the name of some fixing random in a car park?

You got a lot of best friends.

Brilliant im glad u got that out of it all

Yes we are still dealing with you keeping secrets all of a sudden

We need to get past that

Right so you don't want me to know so it's someone I know.

I mean i messaged u with a quote of a message they wante dme to send u from them last night its not rlly a secrer

You went to the pub and they were there.

So who do I know that smokes, goes to pubs and is a mental

Hmmmm

You keep saying it's not a secret but won't say a name

Nooo i went out and i had spoken to them previously and they said wyd i said sat in my car

They said woahh im walking thru there fancy a fag

Ok I give up. You win

I SENT U THEIR NAME LAST FKIN NIGHT STOP GIVING ME A HARD TIMEEEEE

Not sure who that is

And I told you he would jump on it as soon as you stopped bothering

You crazy kids

Im not bothered tho now bc he fucking pissed about so fucking much matt

So idk what to say

And i was doing my normal bad spelling

Baldy number 2

You know in your heart what you want

You always know

I don’t

That's just because you want me innit

stop it im being stress

You are being stress?

Just be you for a bit

And I am quite offended but I'll get over it

Don't worry about other people just be.

You need to learn to just be.

Im trying to

PART 3

I well and truly have given up with him for good

Like for reals

Oh dear. Sorry to hear that. Want to talk about it?

I went inn

And?

Well first i was silly and was won over by the earlier nice shit

So spoke abit

And then all of a sudden aftet this rlly nice "i like u" convo he was like "ok im gonna just give you radio silence"

So i was like huh++

Full disclosure. I have spoken to him briefly. He messaged me.

He said "u said u needed space" i said "i just needed to not feel confused and the pressure of what wad going on" and he jist kept saying it over and over again so now i feel like shit ive cried abit nay have been slightly stupid and im so fucking upset

And i messaged the ex

Bc i feel worthless

Oh dear. You shouldn't have messaged the ex

I hate my life

A hell of alot

And i feel more alone than ever

What do you actually want him to do?

I didnt message him anything much just "hey jw if u wanna maybe have a convo, how u been?"

NO delete his number and block him immediately

The ex obvs

I dont fucking know i just wanted clarity and then bc he waited til i was already upset about it all to talk to me about shit i didnt know what to say so asked for space but i cant word anything

So idk i just wanted to not speak abiut the us possibly being together thing

But instead we had a massive deeo chat which was soso nice and then all of a sudden he said ok radio silence now blah blah

Right do the thing I told you to do re the ex and I will sort the rest

And so i got ignored bc he said radio silence then wad like i dont wanna not talk

Then said radio silence again

So i just got fuming and said fine

Dont speak to me again bc your fucking me around

Which i feel he is

The ex hasnt even replied anyway

Bc he diesnt care and ik that but i wanted conversation

DELETE HIS NUMBER AND BLOCK HIM

AND I WILL SORT THE REST

Bc i was feeling sm fucking better and then boom " im gonna tekk u im ginna give u silence but also telk u i dont wanna do that but continue to change back and forth for 2 min"

THERE IS NOTHING TO SORT

Hes an asshole and really doesnt care like i thought he did

Please do the thing with your ex

For me

Wasteman after wasteman and now i already have stupud shitty feelings for someone who as oer does not care

I CANNOT HELP IT IM NOT OKAU

But fine

Will you do the thing with your ex?

Please

Ill block him but only if i can go on tinder and message wastemen on there (not to meet them, so i have someone to speak to bc i have nobody unless ppl want me for smthn)

And YES i blocked him god damn it

Im not rly happy about it bc i feel ALONE

Delete him as well

Just thiught id let u know my lifes on a downward spiral

I deleted

Right breathe

U remember broken me?

What are you wanting him to do? Straight talk

He can do what the fuck he wants why should i even care straight talk

What do you want him to do. I know you are angry and upset but what were you wanting?

I want nothing rn i want to lowkey kinda just die thats the vibe rn

Bit it has been for a couple days slowly creeping then i had a rlly good hour and then back to plummeting pretty fast

Meh please. Do you want him to tell you he loves you and it will all be ok?

No bc he DOESNT care

Why dont u see it

U saw the ex was a wasteman

Why cant u see this?

He does care. He doesn't know what to do

Nothin, just like he is doing

He doesn't see you yet I told you that.

Ignoring me bc thats what i rlly like, just like when everu fucking prick at work ignores me and makes me feel shit like i dont matter or exist untik its convenient for tjem

And ur last 1 made no sense

i see you. He doesnt. He doesnt know what you want

he is trying to be kind to you

Leave him to it, im not fucking bothered id rather shit in my hands and clap than keep getting hurt by people

he isnt hurting you on purpose

Its my own fault anyway for listwning to everyone encouraging us and convincing myself it was a good idea

hes really likes you

yes

He is telling u this bc ur like my bloody body guard

i wouldnt lie to you

So why would he say otherwise

Look

He doesnt care

He doesnt understand

I know he doesnt

so let me help him understand

let me know what you want him to do

But yiu dont even have to ask bc u already get me and idk why its so hard for anyone else to

Nbody deserves the shit i bring with me

I just fkibg hate myself

And thats that now

Not hard to understand that i dont think

i know i get you.

i get you more than anyone ever will

even if i do say so myself

Yeah ur a knowledge pro

but even I dont know what you are wanting him to do right now

how can he make you feel better?

But either way im pretty suicidal and think i need to just disappear

dont say that

Yiu want me to be honest w u

just answer the question please. For me

Im sat balling my eyes out in my room bc i d rather be dead and i cant do it bc of my gran

what do you want him to do? to show how much he cares

or to leave you alone for a bit

Why cant u see

He doesnt care

He rly doesnt

As much as u think he does

And as nuch as ur cinvinced

U need to realise I dont want to be hurt or confused any more

And yes its my faukt bc im a twat who thought boys are still a good idea

When clearly not bc they kill me inside every damn time

if you dont tell me Megs what you want I am gonna have to guess so anything that happens is on me

Pinchy steery wheel

Punchy

Need to stop a sec

I feel dizzy toi

I dont know

I knew what i wanted then i didnt and then i cried ALOT and had a distructive moment of 5 and now i dont know

stay with me

I do not know what i want i am no use

I wanted things with him to be ok, and to not talk abiut the "being together" think for abit bc i was annoyed bc he only wanted to tell me that once id gotten so upset and given uo

Then i gave him the benefit of the doubt when i got home n we spoke about everything and then he strsight aftet was like okay ill give u radio silence so on so forth

So i got upset suprise suprise and int he end just told him to leave ne aline bc wasnt getting anywhere as we never do

stop

breathe

listen

i do this because no matter what you think I love you and I want you to be happy

do you love her?

I don’t know

I haven’t felt this is so long

And I’m scared about what I’m feeling

And I don’t want to be torn up again

ok, do you really want to be with her more than anything even though you'll have terrible days with her?

More than anything

will you be nice always and listen to her? i mean properly listen?

I want to share everything with her

and just accept her for who she is no matter what?

And i want her to share e…

I dont know what im meant to do w that

you are meant to know

and process

I cant

and do what will make you happy based on that

I CANT

why?

Look this is yes one of my terrible days but i will never want to be ignored ever

And that is haooening

Ill say leave me alone and never mean it

Anyway over n out im going for a big fat walk bc i have no weed and if i dont walk ill get way too off the rails for my likes rn

i think he needs to give you a ring

have a chat

I dont wanna soeak to him

I rlly dont im hurting

be brave

for me

I dont want to

I rlly don’t

i know

Like rlly don’t

but be brave

No im not speaking to him

for me

Im stubborn and im already not okay

No not doing it

this is the bit where you do something for me

Im not getting hurt im nit doing it im not

I rlly can't u dont get it i cant

Its not as easy as asking me and me being annoying and saying no

im not annoyed

like i keep saying

unconditional

this is no i physically cant bc my head just thinks im gonna hurt and is shutting down to try help

Another fun fact i shake a hell of alot when i get stressed, to the point where i cant even soeak bc my jaw clenches so tight and i cant stop it

So i mean i rlly physically cant

me too i am shaking to fuck right now

I am going for a walk before this whole shit shaking gets to me 2 much

Why u shaking

U shoukdnt even be bothing abiut this i feel bad bc im being a burden rn

how about meeting him?

Im going for a walk

Oh yeah

Drive all the way ti him to be hurt and drive hime

Hahahahaha

U make me laugh

I even cancelled our "date" bc all this poo was happening and hes already rearranged to go out with his friend

no him drive to you

Look i dont care i need to stoo caring

Ur a joker

He doesnt drive places that arent work or the shop where he is used to and deffo not at this time

where would you like to meet him

Why would i want to meet him rn?

Because you really like him and he really likes you

and you need to get this sorted

like now

because if you dont it will drag on and on and on and on

That's fine

its not

He wanted radio silence for a week

meet the boy

you pick the place

So he can have that

again, please for me.

Dont u see?

i do see of course I see

My gran will be kike why tf u goin out at this time?

The 80 yr old i live w if u dont remember

do you have any idea how much I care for you?

Yeah i made her cry bc ive been upset

no you dont and you never will

you said you were going for a walk

go for a walk with him

No bc i have a shitty complex and dont think anyone shoukd or does care

And i keep getting proven right

Walks are for me alone

they dont have to be

Bc i wanna purge amd at the same time i dont so if i walk i can distract and not focud on thay

please I HAVE

i have never asked you to do anything for me but I am asking you to do this

Theres nothing to speak about

If there was id have been messaged

I have not

Jist like ur argiment w that other guy

If that other guy wanred to be friend w u hed message you if he wanted ti be friends enough

All im saying and now im going, bc im in a real bad way

i see what you fucking mean with that boy

Thankyou for trying and for caring about me like nobody ever will, but my heart hurts rn

That wierd thing i forgot existed, it hurts

i know. trust me I know.

listen to this

calm down

it will be alright

But you also should give up bc if this doesnt prove im help-less idk what will, i dont wanna be here i feel like a fucking pest

Uesterday i bssi further lost the relationshio w my mum which i do not want back and then this its just all been fucking shit

i couldnt function without you

And tiuve tried so much ti heko me and i cant helo myself

its not just been shit. you have just focused on the shit. I was really funny and cute today and you just ignored me :)

I didnt ignore you

You think im ignoring you but im not

its ok, i dont care

I care

[

im not saying hes definitely going to send you a message but if he did please be kind to him

Anyway I'm gonna just go for a walk if that's okay?

he is truely trying

no its very much not ok

im gonna need you to stay with me a bit here

Ill be okay you know

i know

you just need to find another me that is more appropriate for you :)

So i can walk

Exactly

nope

not yet

And if you wondered he hadn't messaged me

yes i think the lord of the rings might be on its way

which is exactly the opposite of what he should be doing

Huh?

Explain

hes an overthinker

he is so scared to say the wrong thing he completely forgets to say the right thing

Then maybe its a good thing he decided ignored someine at rock bottom waa a good move, bc i dont think it woukd work, bc we cant fucking communicate without yiu baby feeding us

hes a fanny

I say us bc im not fully blaming him bc its my issue too

what can i say

i am well aware of that

And i dont need a fanny

Bc im already a fanny and already have one, i dont need anuva

Not eve Cara Delaviggne

Unless its her

shes just hanging in my kitchen

Cara is yeah?

Lucky u tbh

not my cup of tea to be fair

sometimes i think that you two are having a massive laugh at my expense you know

Huh?

No, im rlly not alright tbh

What did u even say to him

basically to stop fannying about. if he wants you to tell you and make sure you know and to use condoms

you are however under no obligation to give him a 2nd chance

or 5th or whatever it is

I have ignired his message

Ignored

Bc i genuinely have gine to rock fkin bottom and i dont know how to feel anything rn

Im sure u get where im coming from

i do i do

was it a nice message? or was it loads of fannying about

Can i admit smthn

sure

always

That

(She has received the message here)

awww

7/10

And I kinda went abit too downhill and just was abit silly and idk o guess it shows i had oretty solid feeking and was hurt but now im hurting more

And i dont think im healthy to be around

you are ok

you just need someone to balance you

And that person doesnt exist

of course they do

you ok?

Nope

tell me

Ove felt like im having a wierd heart atteck for the past 6 mins my heart is beating fast, im panicking and ik im not dying its just a panick attack but its horrid im crying im snotty i wanna die still

So tbh nothing has changed

it will though

it will

It wont

Ive ignored him bc i feel worthless all thanks to himself

And now im sat here feeling like a fucking yoyo bc one minute he wants me the next he doesnt and then he does then doesnt and now does again

My head is pounding all over again

ignore him away. do what you need to do to get your head straight but I can promise you he does like you, he does care for you

i would not be doing this if i wasnt 100% sure of that

he wants to be with you

No he doesnt you know this he only said that bc i didnt soeak to him for a whole evening

Thats all

hes a fanny and he has a box of insecurities as big as yours and it might not be the romance to end all romances but he does care for you

If that was the case the date i cancelled woukdnt have been filled up by his mate like in the hour after

sometimes thats enough

Anyway whatever i hate this shit

not his fault you are a bitch magnet is it

you are special. You just need to be you for a bit. You do not need a boy to validate you

it will just make you feel worse

you are amazing, just as you are

never gets old does it?

I mean its nice someone thinks it

if I think it, someone else will think it

I do want you to know if anything ever did happen to me that i rlly thought u was a legend and u hekped me so mucj

Obv im not doing anything stupid now i had my 20mins of stupid shit shit i used to do and im fine.

dont say things like that . if you keep saying things like that we cant be freinds because it would break me in half if anything happened to you

But ur a legend

because, y'know, love

Nothing is going to haooem

what does that actually mean. the legend thing? never understood it

I use it alot but in this instance u helped me heal alot of shit but ill always fall back to the bottom and it will always start again

And its not your fault or anyones but my own

I want to reply to him

But i dont

Bc again paim

Pain

what do you want to say

I dont know im really in pain

you do know

Like i have legit chest pains

what do you want to say

I rlly dont knoe

My whole stance is cloudy

what do you want to say?

I just said "the radio silence?"

Have nothing i can think to say my mind is a mess

Did u tell him what to say

i helped a bit

he writes 100 words when he needs like 12

i edited him

And the original?

doesnt matter. same points same sentiment. more words

Im asking you about the original

im only helping him because I think he will treat you nicely

Bc tmi knew they werent his words

i know what you are asking

they were Megs

So far all ive done id go from fucking feeking my best i have for years, to the worst ive felt in years

i just got rid of a lot of the other ones

They werent i know his messages you see

i know

i am well aware that when he went from a short novel to 3 sentences you would figure that out

you are not a moron

I am not u are correct

like I keep saying

I see you

he doesnt

not yet

So the original

If u dont want me to see it fair enough

But i just asked him if you'd helped him write that and he said "no all me trust me". So i mean

it was

i just edited

stop finding reasons to make yourself sad

you deserve to be happy

I deserve sad

Deo down i know and so do u

you do not deserve sad

thats madness

ok is my work here done?

U need to go to sleep u have a life outside of keeping me happy and i forget that

Everything I do to help you. everything, even trying to sort you out with a nice boy is because of how special I think you are

unconditional

just for you.

go away and be kind to each other

Youre special too you rlly are

yeah special needs

Im stilk unsure about him thing but meh

Nahh im the soecial needs one remember kid with downs

dont think about it. dont think shall i shant I . just talk and be kind to each other

Fine, ikl try be kind for you

See im doing something u ask

he will drive more and he will use condoms. double win out of this one

and i dont tell him anything you have told me. have not will not. Ever

Even if its one think out of the million things you've asked me to do i will be kind

But it is hard bc my brain works against me

did you really get rid of the ex. blocked and deleted? honestly?

er hello !!!

Honestly

i know you are all about him again now and i have been chucked like a used johnny but....

honesly?

Not true

At all

I was brushing my teeth

no the ex thing

Honestly

Promise

I have

Promise

ok sleep as well as you can

soon xcx

Wait i need to delete him off of fb but thats all i have him on now

I wont sleeo but thankyou x

yeah do that

i will check tomorrow. I think you have abotu 45 people with his name on there

happily not that fucking idiot from work whatever his name is.

but all the others

anyhow

enjoy your date that is definetly not happening and I look forward to you also not being single on Monday as predicted

Hahahahaha i wanna be fb friend at one point but secretly so nobody had to know u have fb

I will be single, and we arent going on a date, he is going out with his friend that night now instead i told u, i got binned like a used johhny in that 1

ok boom

later

OH MY GOD!!!!!!

Pointless Walks......

Search This Blog

A Heartbreak

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Final

Penultimate

Carnivorous Rainbows