I don't know what this is, but you can have it anyway.

1

I can tell you about it now. I have distance.

I can tell you what happened without the need to lie or pretend the part I played in it was better than it actually was.

I can tell you everything that happened. When and where. I can even have a go at why though I am not promising anything.

You knew some of it. Not all of it. Some of it you thought you knew but you didn’t.

Some of it you were just plain wrong about.

As I always say. 

‘Don’t worry about the things you know. Worry about the things you don’t know’

2

I am mediocre. There is not a better word to describe me. There are very few things I am good at and even the things I am best at  are deeply average by anyone elses standards. I live an average life in an average house in an average town. I have an average car and and average television that was once good but is now just so old. I live in an average country and do average things. By far the most average thing about me is my job.

My job working for average inc. Answering an average phone to average people and giving them an average experience (unless I am REALLY bored and then they get a less useful and more interesting experience)

It’s the kind of place they treat you really unfairly and then when you say anything about them treating you unfairly they threaten you. What can I say? It was convienient while it lasted.

Because (and I know you don’t start a sentence with because, but this is not that kind of story) it’s the kind of place that gives not two fucks about its staff there is a constant revolving door of staff that stay a while coupled with people that have been there forever that don’t know any better. There are millions of these places around the world. This is just one of them.

And then she started working there and everything changed.

I remember the first time I saw her . I hardly noticed her.

The second time I saw her I was totally in love with her.

The third time I saw her was after she commited suicide. She was just laying there not really doing much of anything.

The forth time I saw her we had a terrible fight.

The fifth time I saw her we changed the world. It was a world that needed changing.

And so the revolving door turned and brought in another load of generic randoms to fill the void left by the last lot who one by one had had enough and had walked out or been pushed by managers who didn’t like the fact they were being questioned.

Managers who were VERY important in that place but who if the place ever closed would end up struggling to function in any other job.  Millions of these people around the world. This was just a few of them.

She was at the top of the stairs talking very louldly on a phone while other people were trying to make drinks. Like pretty much everyone who thinks that the top of a staircase or in a door way is a good place to stand she was completely oblivious to people around her. If I am at the top of the stairs and see these people I very much fantasise about pushing them down. Just a little bit.

She hadn’t had THAT haircut yet so I didn’t really notice her except I did. I don’t know why I remember her but this memory sticks in my head along with the time she drove a car into the front of my house. They are both equal. They are both the same. In hindsite she had proberbly been working there a year or five and I just hadn’t noticed. Its that kind of place.

Why do I work there?

Good question.

Mainly its because everything about it is easy. The work is easy. The journey there is easy (or it used to be when I could walk properly). The people are easy. It’s the worst job I’ve ever had and if it wasn’t just down the road I would have sacked it off years ago. I have already walked out twice, but because they are afraid of a legal suit they asked me to come back and promised me it would be better. I believed them the first time and didn’t the second time. Needless to say I went back. 

I sit in a chair for a few hours every day and speak to idiots who think they are the most important person on the planet. Entitled would be the right word. Entitled would be the perfect word. 

I eat because I am bored. Like most of the people there I am fat. That’s because we eat because we are bored. Its boring. We eat. I go to the toilet just because it breaks up the day and it’s pretty much the only thing you are allowed to get up for. They even tried to stop you doing that with a ridiculous traffic light system that told you when you were allowed to to piss and shit. They discovered that was pretty much illegal and had to stop it. A previous place I worked tried something similar with ice cubes. These places are all the fucking same. They also stopped us having drinks until someone informed them that water was a basic human right. Now we can have water. Nothing else. Just water. Because tea and coffee ARE NOT basic human rights.  We have flasks. We sneak drinks. Sometimes we get caught and threatened. Sometimes we get let go. Usually by the same middle managers who have made the policies. Usually while they have a big red cup in front of them with the word Costa on it. It’s that kind of place.