2econd

 

But what if I don’t have anything to write about? That’s a real worry I can tell you.

They say write what you know. All I know is the beingness. All I know is being slightly unhappy and / or drunk.

So where am I right now? I’m in the office on New Years day with about 4 other people because it ticks a box. I have another person working remotely who I don’t talk to because we don’t like each other very much. I don’t like him because he picked on someone who I thought was my friend. That person turned out not to be my friend. He was right about her. I was wrong. I want to tell him this, but I am not sure If I can. If I do it will be for the wrong reasons. It will be because it winds other people up.  It won’t be from a place of purity.

I mean even if it was, he wouldn’t believe me. I just have that kind of personality. It’s all the barriers I put up to prevent exactly this kind of things happening. I let them down and it destroyed me. If only for a little while it destroyed me. I can’t let that happen again.

I am not doing a lot of work because why should I. They have unfairly dished out the Bank Holidays again and rather than rage against the machine (which I used to do) I just nod and come in and do as little as I can. The fact there is no-one else here is a blessing at the moment. I would sooner be in an empty room than one filled with awkwardness and lies. So, I am not doing a lot of work. I know that will wind people up as well. That’s all I seem to do. I am a very weak and ineffectual version of chaos theory. This is not working out very well for me. Why do I continue with it? You can’t dry the rain.

I have eaten my pot noodle (or Poundland version of) already. It’s my breakfast. I was hungry. What can I say? Nothing there except watching a kettle boil for nearly seven minutes. That was a very exciting time of my life I don’t mind telling you.

Oh, I have received an email telling me my mailbox is full. That should keep my busy for about 10 minutes. There is a phone call queuing. I am not getting it just because It will wind HIM up. And once again. Why should I? They can wait. It’s New Years Day for fucks sake.

Oh, there is a song on I like. If they are still waiting by the end of this, I will answer it. This is changing into one of those Saturday reports I used to do. Scroll back. You will see I have always been this miserable. I don’t know what happiness is. Until I do. Then it’s taken away from me.

This person is vexing me just by waiting this long. Lets see what they want 😊

Ooo too late. That will have annoyed him. There I go again. There I go again.

Going to the toilet is the highlight of my day. Lets do that then.