Skip to main content

Half-life

Are we done?

Not yet. Soon. It was always 'I will see you soon'. Not so much right now.

I can see an end to this. I have had enough.

I give and give and give and nothing.

I am never good enough.

I am never your first, second, third choice.

I thought I could fix you. You don't want to be fixed. Being broken is very much your thing.

Laying at the side of the road in a million pieces. Waiting for someone to pick you up.

Someone better than me.

I have thrown money at the wall.

I have thrown my soul at the wall.

I have been the wall.

What will happen if the wall is taken down.

We will both be vapour.

Every day I love you less and less.

Every day I realise I have been an idiot.

I am not want you want. So you can't have me.

Not for much longer.

I will always be there. I will alway hang around in the shadows. 

You won't see me, but I will be there.

I will pick you up when you fall over.

Or maybe I won't. Who knows.

Maybe I will have found someone by then who wants saving and isn't just pretending to want saving.

Maybe I will find someone that says thank you and helps me when I need help.

Maybe I will be cared for as I care for others.

Maybe I will know someone who remembers my birthday and knows how to say my name properly?

I have known all of this. I have known all of this since I have known you.

I never cared.

Now I care.

My heart has bled out.

Are we done?

Not yet but soon.

Let's just get through November.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Penultimate

This is not a suicide note.  I am not allowed to do that. That would make me the bad guy. If things were a bit different though I would deffo be eating toast in the bath. I hope I get ill again. That would be perfect. The only problem with getting ill last time was that I got better. I was ready. I was ‘at peace’. Then, as now, I have had enough. I am always tired, I always hurt. I am never shown any love and I don’t really do anything I enjoy. All the things I am supposed to enjoy either I don’t or I get stopped from doing by other people who are supposed to care about me. I am now old enough to know I will never get what I want in my life. This is it, my best days are behind me and I wasted them on making do. The sun comes out and I get sunburn in the hope that it will fix my skin. In the hope it will make me better. It just makes my skin fall off in different ways and hurt from a new angle. I look for stuff to fill the box I live in. The space is getting smaller and ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Eternal

And then they all stopped talking. What had they been saying? It was definitely something to do with me. I don’t mind. It just makes me laugh to myself. I need to laugh. Even if it’s just an internal thing.  The guy with no hair is round again. Buzz buzz buzz . You open the window but the wasp won’t flay out. He would be better off out there in the world but he would sooner be banging into windows. You bump into the criminal by accident. What do you say? Does he know I know? He must do. He knows the environment. He knows what’s happening. What do you say? You say ‘alright’ and then you move past. You are glad you don’t have your child with you. That would have been weird.  You go back through history. You see all the relics and ignore them for plastic hiding in cabinets.  You are melting. Your skin is coming off. The machine won’t work. Why won’t the machine work? And you try and you try and you try and everyone is looking at you and you are melting.  An...
Post a Comment
Read more