The Last Sunflower

Time stopped for everyone but me. I don’t mean that in the same day someone else would mean it. I don’t mean it in the same way someone would be waiting for their favourite football player to score a goal.

Time literally stopped. 

I don’t know how but I knew everything was going to be ok. There must be a reason for this. I think in my heart of hearts I knew the reason. My brain just refused to click and acknowledge it at that moment.

So the baby who was not moving or making a sound was OK. I knew it was going to move and make a noise again. I knew it would be happy and more beautiful than I ever could have imagined. 

The fact the shower was not moving he droplets were suspended in the air was not a worry. It looked like a film. I was in a film. I was always a bath person anyway. Even when it leaked through the floor below. 

There was also a dog who was frozen in the middle of barking. That also looked cinematic. The silence was lost. That also wasn’t an issue. Everything was ok. At least he would have a break from that skin infection that ripped him apart every day. The one that also ripped me apart because I knew how he felt and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.

I got dressed making an extra effort to look as cool as I possibly could picking a band t-shirt with the right level of obscurity and some jeans that didn’t make me look too fat.

I put on my shoes and left the house and walked. I didn’t lock up as I knew only I would want to get back in and that wasn’t something I would be doing in the near future. 

Cars hung in static like tomorrow and for the first time in forever it was safe to cross the road. I still looked both ways. You couldn’t be too careful.

I made my way across the fields. The wind was blowing but nothing was moving. I could feel it cold on my face but I didn’t think it could feel me. I usually hated the wind above all other things. Not today. I didn’t hate anything today. How could I ? 

Then I was at the bottom of the hill the one the kids sledge down in winter. The cool place to be. 

I climbed the hill slowly. I lost my breath again and didn’t know where to find it. I hoped this would help me lose weight and losing weight might make me good enough. Be the best person I could be.

Then I saw the bench. The one that got set on fire and replaced once a year every year. The bench with the second best view. The place to watch the explosions in the sky and the lanterns that didn’t burn down hotels in Mexico. 

And you were on the bench knitting or doing crochet or whatever it was making a teddy that I secretly wanted but I knew wasn’t for me. 

You didn’t get up. You just smiled without raising your head and the sun came out. I liked your hat far more than anyone should like a hat. 

Time stopped for everyone but me.