Skip to main content

Ghost

I first heard them say your name yesterday. Then they said it today.

I hadn't heard anyone say your name in a long time. A long time since you died.

They said you were coming back. It couldn't be you could it? You couldn't do that.

I didn't know how I would feel. I felt a sense of dread. Then I was tense. I didn't want to collapse again. You couldn't come back. Why would you? How could you? You were dead and buried and had a new face. Redesigned. A new you. Still the old you.

Then I felt excited. Then I felt happy. I hadn't seen you in so long. I had stopped laying flowers at your grave a long time ago. I had to. Every flower had a piece of me in it.

I didn't want to know you were not in your own heaven. Not blissfully happy and flying with the angels. You lived in a cottage by an open fire. You baked for your children while a guitar played an actual tune in the background.

You were the tomorrow.

I couldn't imagine a life without you in it. I had never had a life without you in it. Even after. Even after you had died.

Then I saw you. And it wasn't you. It was just a ghost of you come to say hello.

And they even got your name wrong. I didn't correct them.

That wasn't for me to do.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Penultimate

This is not a suicide note.  I am not allowed to do that. That would make me the bad guy. If things were a bit different though I would deffo be eating toast in the bath. I hope I get ill again. That would be perfect. The only problem with getting ill last time was that I got better. I was ready. I was ‘at peace’. Then, as now, I have had enough. I am always tired, I always hurt. I am never shown any love and I don’t really do anything I enjoy. All the things I am supposed to enjoy either I don’t or I get stopped from doing by other people who are supposed to care about me. I am now old enough to know I will never get what I want in my life. This is it, my best days are behind me and I wasted them on making do. The sun comes out and I get sunburn in the hope that it will fix my skin. In the hope it will make me better. It just makes my skin fall off in different ways and hurt from a new angle. I look for stuff to fill the box I live in. The space is getting smaller and ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Nightclubbing

 Who? I know this one’s name. Debbi. With an I and no e. She told me that a few times. She told me a lot of things. Over and over again. Pretty with make-up prettier without. I thought she was just another girl out for a night out. Another party girl. Out with her friends who seemed not to be there right now. Where were they? Why has they left her like this? Who would abandon someone this drunk? She wasn’t drunk though. She had just been made to look that way.   Where? On a kind of upholstered bench in a club in Nottingham that had seen better days. Everything in there was something you could get stuck to. Everything in there had all the fluids spilt on it at some point. A place where the lights had gone out and not yet been replaced. Somewhere that was the same today as it was in the 70’s. She was collapsed in on herself. Leaning slightly to the left and looking peaceful as she dribbled on herself. Her glass had toppled over spilling whatever was in it all over whatev...
Post a Comment
Read more