Skip to main content

February 17th

Sad. Lonely and still ill.

Poor me.

Sometimes there are dozens of people around me and I feel like I am not there. Sometimes there are dozens of people around me an it is just too much. My head is too busy.

Put it all in a box.

Watched How to train your dragon 3. It was ok. Half watching The Wrestler. It's good innit. Going to seem Stan and Ollie with my dad later. That will be nice. I wonder how many more times I will be able to do things with my dad. Sadness.

I feel separate. That's a good word.

Playing Dark Souls again. Thats never a good sign.

It's quite nice out. It's like the end of summer in the middle of winter. The snow never arrived and maybe it never will. Sales of sledges are down.

Stop bringing me thangs that are bad for me. Bad food. Bad drink. I guess I don't actually have to consume it. A revelation.

It's the Oscars in a week. That used to be a thing. It's not really a thing any more.

Marisa Tomei is 55. Wow.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Penultimate

This is not a suicide note.  I am not allowed to do that. That would make me the bad guy. If things were a bit different though I would deffo be eating toast in the bath. I hope I get ill again. That would be perfect. The only problem with getting ill last time was that I got better. I was ready. I was ‘at peace’. Then, as now, I have had enough. I am always tired, I always hurt. I am never shown any love and I don’t really do anything I enjoy. All the things I am supposed to enjoy either I don’t or I get stopped from doing by other people who are supposed to care about me. I am now old enough to know I will never get what I want in my life. This is it, my best days are behind me and I wasted them on making do. The sun comes out and I get sunburn in the hope that it will fix my skin. In the hope it will make me better. It just makes my skin fall off in different ways and hurt from a new angle. I look for stuff to fill the box I live in. The space is getting smaller and ...

The Eternal

And then they all stopped talking. What had they been saying? It was definitely something to do with me. I don’t mind. It just makes me laugh to myself. I need to laugh. Even if it’s just an internal thing.  The guy with no hair is round again. Buzz buzz buzz . You open the window but the wasp won’t flay out. He would be better off out there in the world but he would sooner be banging into windows. You bump into the criminal by accident. What do you say? Does he know I know? He must do. He knows the environment. He knows what’s happening. What do you say? You say ‘alright’ and then you move past. You are glad you don’t have your child with you. That would have been weird.  You go back through history. You see all the relics and ignore them for plastic hiding in cabinets.  You are melting. Your skin is coming off. The machine won’t work. Why won’t the machine work? And you try and you try and you try and everyone is looking at you and you are melting.  An...