Jan 3rd

Watching Derry Girls which is overacted but fun.

Spending most of the time coughing at people who are coughing and then doing a bit more coughing. Feel like garbage.

Annoyed by a seller on Ebay who has been 'really ill' and as a result not able to post my package. The number of people I have dealt with recently who have been 'really ill' or had 'a family emergency' is untold. I am super glad I have decided not to buy anything else ever again. It's super stressful.

You have to worry about being in for the postman and or whatever random delivery company are bringing it. If its supposed to come on a day and you have that day off it kind of fucks up your life. I have no idea what I am rambling on about here. I have had too many co-codermol.

I walk through the woods in the dark now. I am half awaiting my own horror story but usually all I get is people who can't be bothered to put their dogs on a lead and the other man with glasses and headphones that are a bit worse than mine. I miss the schoolteacher looking women. Where has she gone? Was she murdered or has she just moved away to a better life?

I think of her in a cottage by the seaside (more than likely Brighton, she looks like she would live in Brighton). She has a little dog and she is looking out the window with a checkered towel drying a teapot. She is smiling. Getting older as the wind blows.

I imagine Brighton must be pretty cold this time of year. I only know it from the summer so can't imagine it any other way. I once went to Blackpool in the winter because I had to. It was the very definition of grim. Far away from collapsing on a beach to the sound of peach schnapps.

So this isn't going anywhere today. Sorry.

It makes no sense. Sorry.

I am ill and not in the normal way I am ill. I am ill plus. Double ill. It's a great start to the year.

I just want to hibernate. Wait until the sunflowers reach for the sky again.

I don't think they ever will.

Don't come home for a while. I don't want you to see me like this.

I don't want to be like this.

I'm trying to find my way home.

And I'm sorry.

And I miss you.