Skip to main content

December 25th

Drained.

The Anti-climax has fizzled and all I can do is wait for sleep. It must be here soon.

Visited the graveyard and counted the dead flowers. Dozens and dozens of dead ones and in the middle a live sunflower reaching for the night.

Maggie 8 on repeat. The Christmas car journey CD. 4 tracks in a loop. Repetition.

I do not want the things I do not have. Except I do. I kind of always will. I am looking for something thats missing.I always have been. Now and again I find it for a minute and then it's snatched away.

Gone.

A nice dinner and nothing before. Nothing after. Terrible television and things I cannot play.

It's dark and it's cold and everyone is ill.

I don't want what you have given me. Why would I?

Long distance video calls to people having a better time.

A pencil. A fucking pencil?

Christmas socks that I can't wear for another year.

Looking at the lights through the fog and wondering how they are on.

Slime and glue everywhere. Everywhere.

Burning the packaging as fast as it's unwrapped.

Loop it.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Penultimate

This is not a suicide note.  I am not allowed to do that. That would make me the bad guy. If things were a bit different though I would deffo be eating toast in the bath. I hope I get ill again. That would be perfect. The only problem with getting ill last time was that I got better. I was ready. I was ‘at peace’. Then, as now, I have had enough. I am always tired, I always hurt. I am never shown any love and I don’t really do anything I enjoy. All the things I am supposed to enjoy either I don’t or I get stopped from doing by other people who are supposed to care about me. I am now old enough to know I will never get what I want in my life. This is it, my best days are behind me and I wasted them on making do. The sun comes out and I get sunburn in the hope that it will fix my skin. In the hope it will make me better. It just makes my skin fall off in different ways and hurt from a new angle. I look for stuff to fill the box I live in. The space is getting smaller and ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Nightclubbing

 Who? I know this one’s name. Debbi. With an I and no e. She told me that a few times. She told me a lot of things. Over and over again. Pretty with make-up prettier without. I thought she was just another girl out for a night out. Another party girl. Out with her friends who seemed not to be there right now. Where were they? Why has they left her like this? Who would abandon someone this drunk? She wasn’t drunk though. She had just been made to look that way.   Where? On a kind of upholstered bench in a club in Nottingham that had seen better days. Everything in there was something you could get stuck to. Everything in there had all the fluids spilt on it at some point. A place where the lights had gone out and not yet been replaced. Somewhere that was the same today as it was in the 70’s. She was collapsed in on herself. Leaning slightly to the left and looking peaceful as she dribbled on herself. Her glass had toppled over spilling whatever was in it all over whatev...
Post a Comment
Read more