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December 10th

One goal today: Just to get through it.

Traffic was terrible for some reason so it took me 45 minutes longer to get to the supermarket. This meant I was 3 minutes late for which I was dragged into an office for a 20 minute telling off.

I wouldn't mind but she comes in late all the time. Hungover and smelling of booze. Everyone knows what she gets up to. She still comes in like her shit don't stink. It does.

I'm told I will have to make it up. Stay late 3 minutes. That's not an issue as you don't let us go home till everything is put away after the counter closes. You pay me till 6:00 but won't let me leave until 7:00. If I don't like it the signage to the door is very clear.

So I go and clean up all his knives, cleavers, choppers and various methods of destruction.

I imagine what I could do with them. I imagine YOU walking through the door.

I clean the industrial mincing machine which for some reason still needs to be cleaned by hand. For some reason. I cut myself on it (again) and watch the blood make patterns. It always makes flowers bloom on stainless steel. Again I think of you.

I go in the warehouse and put a 1 litre bottle of rum outside the back door for later. I am told they have cameras in here. I haven't seen them. They haven't caught me yet.

I change my apron because this is filthy with blood. 1st hand and second hand. Ebay.

I make myself presentable. I put out meat on shelves. Old people walk into me.

I am their obstacle.

And it goes on. I do this over and over and over until they legally have to give me 20 minutes to drink a cup of tea and piss it down the toilet. I have a nice cheese sandwich. I can't eat anything dead. Not after what I have seen.

And then we close and I have to put everything in the industrial sized freezer. Again I think of you. I think of you inside this.

And I am late enough to have missed the traffic. I remembered the rum. I can sit there and think and ignore you until I go to sleep. Then I can do it all again tomorrow.

I will set off extra early.

I wouldn't want to be late.

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