Pointless Walks......

 ...see... ......still here..... .........just......... xcx

This is not a suicide note.  I am not allowed to do that. That would make me the bad guy. If things were a bit different though I would deffo be eating toast in the bath. I hope I get ill again. That would be perfect. The only problem with getting ill last time was that I got better. I was ready. I was ‘at peace’. Then, as now, I have had enough. I am always tired, I always hurt. I am never shown any love and I don’t really do anything I enjoy. All the things I am supposed to enjoy either I don’t or I get stopped from doing by other people who are supposed to care about me. I am now old enough to know I will never get what I want in my life. This is it, my best days are behind me and I wasted them on making do. The sun comes out and I get sunburn in the hope that it will fix my skin. In the hope it will make me better. It just makes my skin fall off in different ways and hurt from a new angle. I look for stuff to fill the box I live in. The space is getting smaller and ...

 It says exactly 3000 people have been here. 3000 people have walked over my grave, not one of them has left any flowers. I don’t like a fuss. Who cares? The domain will fade as will I and I imagine this will fold in on itself like the weather sometimes does. What is it? It’s just something for me to do. It keeps me out of trouble, but at the same time it gets me in the worst trouble of my life. It’s not real. It’s just my reality. It’s just the world turning around me and me looking into the shadows to see what’s there. For some reason the radio is on. It’s the wrong day. The radio shouldn’t be on today. Have I missed a day or has a day missed me? What is happening? So where does everyone come from? It looks like the Americans wander here by mistake a lot. Where do they go? You tell me. You are them. In the grand scheme of things 3000 is not many. It’s a drop on a teaspoon that’s stirring the ocean. No-one has ever said anything either. Not one thin...